


Love They Say

by Tanagariel



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama & Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-18 05:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3558455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanagariel/pseuds/Tanagariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Lexa is the head of Tondc Police Department. She has been chosen to protect and serve her people since she was a child. The young leader had to learn the hardway about leading. The memory of the woman she loved was buried in her memory and to stop feeling pain she turned into a heartless woman. A woman who is strong and respected among her people.<br/>Lexa thought she had everything figured out, until one day she meets her equal, a girl who made her feel alive and shattered her cold heart.<br/>Love they say, it heals all wounds. Could this love heal Lexa?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love is weakness.

**Author's Note:**

> The first time I saw your face  
> I knew I was meant for you  
> The first time you said my name  
> I knew I was meant for you
> 
> Love, they say it heals all wounds  
> Love, removes the hurt in you  
> Love, I know that this is true  
> Love, they say that it is blind  
> Love, they say it all the time  
> Love, I know that they are right
> 
> Tegan And Sara - Love They Say

The night was quiet; you could only hear the wind ruffling the leaves of trees. The frogs croaked near the swamp, the city lights could be seen from where she was. Commander Lexa, of Tondc Police Department had brought her girlfriend, Costia; to enjoy a romantic night. A little escape in the midst of a war.

 

The world was in chaos with several clans fighting at the moment for control over several resources. Lexa had been dispatched from Polis to Tondc to take control of the northern woods that were the center of the dispute between the Ice Nation and the Mountain Men from Mount Weather. It was a complete mess, but Lexa had found love where she least expected it. She had been chosen to lead since she was a child and she had been fighting since a very young age. A girl who grew up in such a violent environment could never think that she was going to find love, but she did.

 

Lexa closed the door of the balcony of the small motel where she chose to stay with her girlfriend. She walked to the restroom, splashed her face with cold water, dried her face with a towel and looked at her reflection. Green eyes stared back at her, a girl with a high forehead and plump lips, and chestnut hair with braids in the mirror. She took a deep breath and exhaled softly. She took out the ring from her jeans and looked at it. It was a gorgeous gold ring, with a small crystal on top. Perfect for Costia, the girl she loved with all her heart.

“Lexa?”

Lexa smiled, she’d recognized that sweet voice anywhere. She put the ring back in her pocket and went to meet her girlfriend.

“Hey, you took your time.” Lexa walked to the smaller girl and drop a feathery kiss on her lips, “but it was completely worth it. You look stunning.”

Costia smiled, her light brown skin and dark hair were a perfect match for her hazel eyes. Costia was indeed, gorgeous. “You look damn fine yourself, Commander.”

Lexa grinned. “Shall we go?”

Costia nodded and laced her fingers with Lexa. The two girls walked out of the motel. Tonight Lexa was going to propose near the waterfalls that were in the nearby area. She was very young some might say, maybe 18 years were still young, but she was ready to commit her heart to this amazing girl.

 

Lexa chatted with Costia during their travel to the waterfalls, they laughed and joked and it was such a dream to be with this girl. Lexa was so sure of what she was going to do. She wanted to make love to Costia until her last breath.

“Here we are. I found this place while tracing the area a while ago.” Lexa moved over the rocky zone near the body of water.

“It’s beautiful.” Costia was open-mouthed, just the reaction Lexa was aiming for.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Lexa came and surrounded the girl with her arms and leaned in for a deep kiss. Lexa held Costia with confidence, kissed her with so much passion and love. She was crazy for her, Lexa changed the angle of her face to gain access to Costia’s neck.

_CRACK!_

 

“What is that!?” Costia pulled apart, startled by the weird sound coming from the woods.

“Must be an animal, I’ll check it out.” Lexa at least brought her knife. A knife that she used regularly to kill on the battlefield. Lexa unsheathed the hunting knife from her belt and moved into the deeper parts of the forest trying to find out the source of the broken twig. She walked with care, trying to be as stealthy as possible, observing her surroundings, she saw the branches on the floor and kneeled down. With her hand she touched the disturbed soil and then she saw the footprints.

“Costia!”

 

A scream in the distance sent her into warrior mode. Lexa ran back to the waterfalls as fast as she could. Moving through the dense foliage, her heart racing and pumping blood faster through her body.

When she reached the waterfalls, Costia was being held by a man, his knife on her girlfriend’s throat.

“Let her go.” Lexa growled. Her body ready to spring into action. Her fist squeezing the hilt of the knife, ready to use it.

“I don’t think so, Commander.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes, this was no coincidence she probably had been followed. These men were from the Ice Nation by their armor and she had been naïve to believe that she could escape war and be with the love of her life.

“You will not make it out of here alive. I promise you.” Lexa threatened.

“We will see about that.”

“Watch out!” Costia screamed.

 

At that, Lexa jumped to the side avoiding being stabbed from her back. She threw the knife at Costia’s captor, burying the blade in his skull. Lexa moved to fight with the other warrior who kept attacking and slashing at her.

“Costia, run!!!” Lexa ducked the sword but not the fist. She fell to the floor, her nose bleeding. She threw dirt into the eyes of her opponent and quickly stood up and kicked him hard on the ribs, she disarmed the man and stabbed him with his own weapon.

Lexa looked around trying to find Costia but suddenly more warriors appeared. Lexa fought like an angry wolf, tearing flesh with hands and teeth, but she was outnumbered. One of the men hit her with a trunk, splitting it in two with the force of the hit. Lexa stumbled on the floor and a warrior kicked her in the gut. Lexa tried to stand up again but she got kicked over and over again.

“LEXAAAAA!” Costia screamed.

Lexa tried to stand up but she was so weak and in pain, her sight had become blurry. She saw Costia trying to reach her, but her captor kept pulling her. Lexa extended her arm, as if she could touch her.

Not far away, another voice joined the screams, “ _HEDAAAA_!!!” It was probably Anya who had gone with them as their escort. However, Lexa had asked that tonight Anya left the two of them alone and so she did.

 

A man pulled from Lexa’s hair, lifting the girl’s body.

“The queen sends her regards.” And knocked her out.

Lexa fell on the mud, her bleeding body smashed and beat up. She tried to keep her eyes open, she still kept trying to reach for Costia.

“Cos…tia.” Lexa mustered, her voice barely an audible croak.

And then there was only darkness.

 

 

Lexa woke up startled; her body was drenched in sweat. Her heartbeat fast and irregular. She took several breaths to calm down. It has been a while since she had one of these nightmares. Too long since she thought again about Costia. After the queen of the Ice Nation tortured and killed Costia, Lexa sought revenge. She didn’t rest until she made them pay. After that, Lexa shut down her heart; discovered that it had been her mistake all along, to believe that her feelings could protect the people she cared about and so, she became of stone. She forged herself into iron and let the pain consume her until she didn’t feel anything. And now, three years later she was doing just fine.

 

She peeked at the clock on the night table. It was almost 8am. She rolled off of the bed to take a shower. Lexa had plenty of things to do. There were a lot of strategies to discuss and more battles to fight. The 12 clans had reached peace after years of battling, even with the Ice Nation, after so much bloodshed and death, including Costia’s. However there were still many enemies to destroy.

 

Commander Lexa, of the Wood Clan and head of the Police Department in Tondc, still had to deal with the people of Mount Weather, and so she was in charge of the task force in Tondc to eliminate the threat to her people. In order to do so she reached an agreement with Chancellor Marcus Kane, who was the representative of the people of the Ark or Sky people, as so many called them. The Arkers came into their territory a couple of months ago and established themselves in Camp Jaha, a couple of miles from their city. So they were at peace with them, for now. The enemy of your enemy is your friend, or so Lexa had heard.

 

The young woman took a quick shower trying to erase the horror of that nightmare and dressed quickly. Then she met outside her bodyguard Gustus.

“ _Heda_ , Anya deployed her units and is waiting for orders.” Gustus commented while he followed his leader through the stairs of her apartment.

“Very well, go to the station and tell Indra to prepare a meeting. I’ll get first a coffee.” Lexa ordered.

Gustus nodded in understanding and went to the police department while Lexa went to the parking lot and turned on her motorcycle. She put on her helmet and rode to her favorite coffee shop in town.

 

Lexa couldn’t start her day without warm coffee in her stomach, and the smell of donuts was killing her. There was a small line in front of her; Lexa rolled her eyes in frustration. She was hungry and in front of her there was this blonde girl giggling with her friend. Lexa tapped her boot on the floor in desperation; the cashier welcomed the blonde and her pal.

“Um, what do you recommend?” The blonde girl asked.

The cashier offered his recommendations and Lexa almost groaned.

“Octavia, you choose first. I’m still thinking.” The blonde said to her friend while looking at the pastries behind the counter.

“I just want a small cup of coffee.” The brunette replied.

“I am not that hungry, maybe a—“

“Princess, could you please make your order already. I just want a damn donut and coffee.” Lexa crossed her arms, pulling her most badass and intimidating pose. The blonde turned around slowly and when she faced Lexa, the commander gulped down the lump in her throat.

The blonde arched her brow in defiance, then her attention returned to the cashier. “I just want a frappe and, is that the last donut?”

“Yeah, um, maybe I could offer you—“

“I want it.”

Lexa’s eyes went wide. How dare this blonde princess come to her town and take her donut?

The cashier quickly filled the order of the blonde and once she paid she glanced at Lexa, a smirk on her face. Lexa’s features remained stoic, stone cold, but on the inside she was burning.

“Have a nice day.” The princess said and walked away with her friend.

 

Lexa was furious, no one dared to defy her. Who the hell was this chick who came to her turf and provoked her?

“ _Heda_ , I’m sorry I uh—“

“ _Shof op!_ Just gimme the coffee.” [Be quiet!] Lexa paid for her order and walked out of the coffee shop and back to her motorcycle.

She was in disbelief; no one had ever dared to look at her with such defiance before. She was respected among her people and no one could even try to put a finger on her because that would mean death. But this princess from the sky came and looked at her like her equal, dared her with her actions and the weight of her baby blue eyes made her… what?

“Who are you?”


	2. In love and war

Lexa was finally at the station, her mood had not improved at all thanks to that blonde princess. Lexa walked into her strategy room.

“ _Mounin, Heda._ ” [Welcome, Commander] Indra greeted her.

“Indra, what is the status of the recon unit?” Lexa sat in her chair. They were going to raid a weapon storage and she was expecting news from Anya.

“They are ready, awaiting your orders, _Heda_.”

“Good. _Teik em laud tromon-de_.” [Good. Sound the horn.]

Indra nodded and went immediately to give the order to sound the horns. If they destroyed that compound they would diminish the weapon power of the Mountain Men. Lexa was sure that Anya could take care of it. However, she wanted to be there personally and fight. She was a warrior and sitting here giving orders was not precisely what she wanted to do right now, but she had many obligations, including meeting again with Chancellor Kane to discuss the guidelines of their so called alliance.

 

Lexa approached the war table, currently covered with a map of the region. The young woman visualized the position of Anya’s task force. If everything went well they could be closer to defeating the people from Mount Weather.

“ _Heda,_ I still think it’s dangerous to bring the Sky people into our matters.” Gustus, her loyal bodyguard warned.

Lexa sighed, it was not a luxury but a necessity to join forces with them.

“ _Nou get yu daun, Gostos.”_ [Stop worrying, Gustus]Lexa moved the pieces over the map right over the military compound.

“ _Disha Skaikru ste noseim, mou bilaik Maunon kom oso.”_ [These Sky people are different, they’re more like the Mountain Men than us.]

“And that’s why we need to get close to them. They understand our enemy better than we do.”

Lexa had no other choice but to join them.  If they wanted to have a chance to beat the people from Mount Weather, this was their best chance.

 

An hour later Lexa moved to a more quiet office, Chancellor Kane arrived and was waiting for her in there.

Lexa entered the room and greeted the Chancellor.

“Commander, pleasure to see you.” The man nodded in greeting.

“Chancellor Kane, I hope to reach an agreement today regarding our cooperation.” Lexa took her seat, observing the Chancellor.

“Of course, we are ready to provide aid to your warriors, Commander. We have firearms—“

“And I told you that is not our way, Chancellor. We still are better warriors than all your gunmen together.” Lexa pointed out.

Kane chuckled. “Very well, I won’t insist. But it’s important that we start training together if that’s the case. In return you will get aid by our medical staff.”

Lexa pondered for a moment; it was true that the Sky people had better means to care for their warriors.

“You will offer your healers and I’ll make sure that your men are prepared for combat.” Lexa was factual.

“I think we have a deal. Dr. Abigail Griffin will meet you in a couple of days. She will make sure to offer her medical expertise to your healers.”

“ _Heda!”_ Indra came in interrupting the negotiations. “The riders arrived, Anya destroyed the storage. However we lost several in combat.” The warrior announced.

Lexa closed her fist tightly; the cost of war was becoming too high these days.

“Indra, take your team and go back to the forest. I will conclude the negotiations here and then I’ll meet with the all the generals in the village.” Lexa stood up from the table.

“I’ll expect your healer, Chancellor.”

 

Lexa went back to her office to deal with the paperwork that her position also demanded, it was not just giving orders but making sure that everything was in compliance with Polis regulations. Lexa spent hours and hours signing papers and redacting new stuff to send back to the capital.

The stars could be seen through her window. And in those stars she found peace. What a beautiful moon they had over Tondc. It was such a magnificent view, but when she reminded herself of the soil stained with the blood of her people, Lexa snapped out of her stupid illusion and returned to the world where she lived.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and a girl with slender figure entered the room.

“You have been working non-stop, _Heda._ Echo and I will be heading to the Club for drinks to celebrate Anya’s victory.” Caris, another brave grounder warrior of Lexa’s clan, invited the busy leader.

“A drink? Sure, why not.” Lexa put the rest of files she had to review inside her desk and picked up her red jacket thrown over her chair, turned off the lights and headed to the most popular nightclub in Tondc, ‘The Cave.’

 

Lexa sat on the stool near the bar alongside Echo and Caris. She ordered beer and took a swig of her glass. The three women discussed from politics to fashion. Whatever conversation they had was good for a change.

The night was warm and the cold beer refreshed her insides. Lexa took a look around the place; there were lights of different colors and the beat blasted from speakers on each corner of the place. There were several people of different clans and also Sky people. Lexa rolled her eyes. This was one of the downsides of the negotiation; they had to mingle with the likes of those delinquents from outer space to improve the relationship between the citizens of Tondc and Camp Jaha.

Lexa did not give a damn about those people and kept drinking when she heard the shouts.

“Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke!” The voices chanted in unison.

“YEEEEEAAAAAAH!” The crowd cheered.

Lexa gulped down her beer and went to check out the commotion.  She was officially off duty but still, she had to make sure this place was not going to turn into a battlefield with drunkards from the Ark and her people.

 

Lexa moved through the bodies watching the action unfold until she reached the table, and to her surprise there was none other than the princess from this morning. She was throwing a ball into cups filled with beer.

Lexa frowned since this was something completely strange to her.

“You can do this Clarke!” Cheered the brunette, Octavia if Lexa remembered correctly.

The blonde, Clarke, aimed at the last cup and let go of the ball.

“There ya go bitches!” Octavia raised her arms in victory and hugged the blonde.

The opponent drank the last cup. “Alright, you are a wild competitor, Clarke. I’ll give you that.” The girl with brown skin slurred.

“I warned you Raven, I promised I knew what I was doing.” The blonde smiled and when she faced the crowd, their eyes met again.

 

The blonde left the game table and walked towards Lexa. The commander had her stoic face in place, eyes wary of the blonde.

“It would’ve never crossed my mind that the broody grounder girl from this morning could be in a nightclub.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes, she wasn’t going to fall into childish provocations. “But you, Clarke of the Sky people, fit perfectly in this place.”

Clarke smiled mischievously, shortening the distance between them. “Grounder with a sassy attitude. I can deal with that. You wanna play?” The girl asked, the glint of her eyes daring the girl to accept the challenge.

“I rather not. Better keep an eye on the likes of you.” Lexa responded.

Clarke smiled, arching her brow. “The likes of me can beat you in Beer Pong anytime.”

“We’ll see, Clarke.”

She glanced once more at Clarke before going back to the bar. She ordered one more beer and paid the tab. She had to go to her place to rest and prepare for tomorrow’s day of work.

 

But Lexa couldn’t sleep at all, and not because of nightmares. She was thinking about the blonde she met. Clarke from the Sky people. Who had eyes as blue as the sky and a laughter that sent butterflies to her stomach. She was impressed with that girl. Her irreverence, her defiance, she was a rebellious girl from what she could observe. Maybe it was a trait of the Arkers, maybe it was simply the way the blonde was. Nonetheless, Lexa knew she had to be careful with this one. Sky people couldn’t be trusted. She couldn’t listen to her heart. Lexa only had her head to guide her and her thoughts were screaming to back off from Clarke.

 

A battle had begun inside the commander’s heart. A war with her own beliefs. Clarke had ignited something dangerous, something that Lexa assumed was gone, a yearning that could make her lose her head and her heart in the process.


	3. A dance with wolves

The sun was bright, its light spreading through the thick forest. Underneath the canopy the warriors trained hard. Fighting against each other, practicing hand on hand combat while the Arkers observed.

“ _Jomp op nodotaim!_ ” [Attack again!] Lexa instructed the warriors.

They kept attacking their adversary until one of them surrendered.

“That is quite a brutal way of training, Commander.” Marcus commented while observing the drills.

“We are savages to you, Chancellor, but we are survivors. We fight to win. With the Mountain Men and the Reapers we have to be lethal. You might not like our ways, but that’s how I have managed to keep my people alive.”

Marcus understood that very well, leaders had to do whatever it took to guarantee that the majority would benefit from their decisions. Sometimes it was hard, but people relied on you to keep them safe.

 

 

Lexa went to the gym showers to remove the dirt and sweat from her body. They had been training since the morning and she had to meet this doctor Griffin in a couple of hours; she couldn’t look like shit. Lexa moved through the machines that were occupied mostly by Sky people. She recognized one of the girls who was using the treadmill from the weird game that Clarke was playing in the nightclub a couple of nights ago, Raven. Lexa wondered for one second if the blonde was around, which was really stupid on her part. But just to be safe, she walked out of the gym and rather, went to the closest river. She knew these woods pretty well and no Sky people would be around; they were fond of the _tek,_ not like her people who preferred nature and the simple things.

 

Lexa dropped her bag on a rock and removed her clothes. She just remained in her undies and jumped into the river.

The water felt cool against her skin. Lexa closed her eyes and let the water cleanse her body. The singing of birds soothed her; the flow of water relaxed her. She was filled with an inner calm that she occasionally sought. The memories of loss and pain haunted her at times, but she had to be strong, so she pushed the past away. And yet, she had been in turmoil since she met that blonde with an attitude. She had never wanted to strangle someone as much as Clarke.

Lexa dove deep into the river, trying to remove her treacherous thoughts from her mind, focusing solely on the cold water.

She emerged to take a deep breath and only when she opened her eyes she managed to catch a very opened-mouthed Clarke.

“I ah, um, hey grounder girl, what a surprise.” Clarke stumbled a bit on her words. She was wearing a tank top and jeans that matched the blue of her eyes. She had a sketchpad in hand and a backpack slung on her shoulder.

 

Lexa came out of the water, walking with her usual confidence and badassery.

“Clarke of the Sky people. This is a surprise indeed. Never thought you would be interested in nature.” Lexa walked to the rocks where she left her bag and took out her towel, with her back to Clarke.

“You’re quick to judge, grounder girl. I just wanted to draw, it’s so gorgeous out here and I, and I um.”

Lexa tensed her jaw, Clarke probably noticed the ritual scars and old wounds she had on her back. She had never been conscious of them until now. She felt vulnerable near the blonde.

“Did that hurt?” Clarke extended her hand to touch the scarred tissue in curiosity, but she restrained herself.

Lexa faced Clarke while drying her body. “A bit. Kind of an occupational hazard.” Lexa stated.

“Oh! You’re a cop.” Clarke stated, realization hitting her.

Lexa nodded, toweled the rest of her body and dressed. Lexa noticed that Clarke was staring at the tattoo in her right arm.

“It’s a tribal custom, it is part of who we are. Wearing _tats_ of one’s tribe symbolizes our connection. Don’t you Sky people have tattoos?” Lexa asked while she put on her T-shirt. Not sure why she was interested in making conversation with this girl.

“Yeah, we use tattoos but our designs are varied. Black and white or color, religious themes, portraits, lettering, etc. Clients ask me for several designs but what I like the most about inking people is the stories behind the tat.”

Lexa noticed how the blue eyes of the girl brightened while she spoke about her craft. So much passion and love. It made her more attractive too.

“So you’re a tattoo artist, Clarke.”

“Well it’s kind of a hobby actually, I’m a med student. But art is my passion. I came here looking for a beautiful scenery and I guess I found it.” Clarke smiled cheekily.

 

Lexa finished packing her things; she picked up her bag and slung it on her shoulder. “There are other places in Tondc that are worth drawing. I might take you there sometime, if you want,” Lexa offered and immediately regreted it. Lexa couldn’t believe she just offered this to Clarke.

“Yeah, sure. That would be really helpful. I gotta improve my shading,” the girl put her thumbs inside her jeans front pockets, and added, “Am I gonna see you tonight at the club?” Clarke asked before Lexa left.

The brunette thought about that, she had several things to do but she could spare a couple of minutes tonight.

_Don’t do it. Don’t  say anyth—_

“Maybe.” Lexa kept moving; her cheeks were flushed and she was embarrassed.

“I didn’t catch your name!” Clarke shouted.

“I didn’t say.” Lexa’s lips curved a bit and strolled away.

 

Lexa had to wonder what the hell she was doing with Clarke. She just met the girl days ago and she was acting like a complete idiot. It was like when she met Costia all over again. When she first met her she was scouting the forest with Anya. Anya was teaching her about the resources that she could use in case she needed to remain undercover. They were all dirty after climbing trees and hiding on the ground. Her hair was a complete mess of twigs and mud. They were closer to the river and they chose to stop there first to clean themselves; that’s when she spotted her.

Costia was filling a jar with water when the two warriors stopped.  Lexa was baffled; she had never seen such beauty and grace in any warrior.

“ _Hei. Ha yu?”_ [Hey, how are you?] Lexa greeted her fellow clan member.

The girl turned around, and when Lexa saw those beautiful hazel eyes she melted on the inside.

“ _Heda. Ai ste os.”_ [Commander. I’m good.]

Anya chuckled seeing her second acting like a complete fool and went to the river to wash herself, living Lexa alone with the stranger.

And that’s how it all began.

One look and she was lost, Costia was the most special person she had the fortune to meet. Until Clarke.

 

 

The paperwork was still priority for the Commander. She was reviewing the report she received from the camp set up by Anya. War was imminent. The advances of the enemy were being tracked, and according to the latest information, the violence was going to begin sooner rather than later.

Lexa took a deep breath, this was going to be a bloodshed if they didn’t get ready.

A knock on the door stopped her train of thought, her bodyguard let through a woman with brown hair and eyes, probably in her 50’s. She was wearing a leather jacket.

“Commander, I’m Abigail Griffin.”

“The healer, good. You’re going to work with Nyko. Teach him your methods and we will be better suited to tend to our injured in the battlefield.”

“Very well. We should be prepared in a couple of weeks.” The doctor said.

“We don’t have weeks, the Mountain Men are coming. We will attack in days.”

“If that’s the case I’m going to need more personell. My daughter and my assistant will be working with your healers as well.” Abby said.

Lexa nodded. “ _Gostos, lok op Naikou.”_ [Gustus, look up for Nyko]

Gustus got out of the room to look out for their healer.

“Bring all the people you need, Doctor. I will oversee your work as soon as I can.”

 

Lexa spent the rest of the day planning strategies and organizing her staff for the upcoming battle. She checked the window, it was pitch black. She had been here for hours. She should go home, and yet, she wanted to see her - princess Clarke of the Sky people.

 

Lexa rode her motorbike through the desolate streets. When she reached the ‘The Cave,’ she parked and went in. She was expecting to see that girl, which was very idiotic on her part. Maybe spend more time with her.

As usual the music blasted from the speakers loudly, lots of people dancing and drinking. Lexa moved among the crowded place looking for a sign of blonde hair, when she saw her. She was standing in a dark corner, Lexa was going to greet her when the boy close to the princess, kissed Clarke. Lexa stopped. She felt sad and disappointed. The commander turned away and got the hell out of that place.

“ _Hodnes laik kwelnes.”_ [Love is weakness]

 

Lexa knew better than feeling anger over that stupid boy who was kissing Clarke, she could simply order one of her men to get rid of that boy, and she would still feel miserable. But what could she do to remove this unwanted feeling? A one-night stand could help. Lexa was the commander; no one in her clan would be opposed to letting her take any woman she desired. But the one she wanted, she couldn’t take. How ironic.

But the girl was in no state to do anything with anyone, she was angry and sad and confused, so she rode her bike back home. She dismissed her bodyguard for the night and took a cold shower, but that didn’t ease her need. She headed to bed and reached under the waistband of her undies and took care of herself.

 

By morning the young leader was half satiated, her body’s needs had been taken care of, but her heart; that was another matter. She woke up, sent Gustus to the office and went to the coffee shop.

She bought her usual cup of coffee and donut. If love was weakness, she was weak for donuts. Lexa sat on the outside to breath the fresh air of the morning, to appreciate the beautiful flowers outside of the shop. Lexa let the warm liquid fire up her senses, to take her out of this stupor she was lately.

“Morning, grounder girl.”

Lexa’s spine tensed, she knew that voice. “Clarke.”

The blonde smiled at her and sat on her table uninvited. Her gorgeous hair was tamed in a ponytail. Lexa preferred to see her with her wild hair loose. She had a Frappuccino in hand.

“I didn’t see you last night. I was kind of expecting you.” Clarke sipped her beverage.

“I was busy. But what do you care, we’re not friends or anything.” Lexa lied. No point telling her that she was there. Lexa cleared her throat since her tone came out as angry and that was clearly not her intention.

The Grounder leader removed her dreamy gaze from Clarke; it was like as soon as the Arker came into view she couldn’t peel her eyes off of her. She focused instead on her donut and took a bite.

“Hey, don’t need to be all bitchy with me, I thought we were taking steps to be friends.” Clarke seemed offended.

“You’re right. Sorry.” Lexa admitted she was been a complete idiot.

“I guess you’re a busy cop, huh?” The blonde took a sip, “oh wait, cop and donuts!” Clarke burst in laughter.

Lexa scrunched her nose. “What?”

Clarke tried to regain back her breathing. “Sorry,” Clarke chuckled, “it’s such a stereotype of cops eating donuts in my place, and you’re a cop eating a donut, it’s kind of funny.”

Lexa loved seeing that smile on her face, and she couldn’t help but smile as well, a more reserved smile than Clarke’s but a smile nonetheless.

 

“By the way you got a thing... right there.” Clarke pointed out.

Lexa cleaned her mouth using the back of her hand.

“Nope, it’s still there, just let me...” With her thumb, Clarke cleaned the corner of Lexa’s mouth, wiping the crumbs of donut.

Lexa paralyzed, she didn’t want to move a muscle. The touch was soft, so warm and delicate.

“There you go.”

“Thank you.”

Clarke leaned on her hand, and looked at the brunette. “Am I ever going to know your name?”

“ _Ai laik Leksa kom Trigeda.”_ [I am Lexa from the Tree People.]

“Lexa.” Clarke repeated. Making sure to pronounce it properly.

Lexa nodded in approval.

Clarke grinned. The blonde stood up from the table ready to depart. “I think we both started off on the wrong foot.”

“I don’t understand.” Lexa was frowning, not catching the meaning of the phrase.

Clarke chuckled, “it’s a saying we use when we leave a terrible first impression. So whatcha say if I invite you a donut, Lexa? Meet me here tomorrow morning?”

“You don’t owe me anything, Clarke.”

“Just let me invite you, please? I behaved like an ass the other day and I feel crappy about it, so please, let me do this for you.”

“Alright, Clarke of the Sky people. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

What kind of game was Lexa playing? This dance she was having with Clarke was starting to get complicated. Lexa didn’t need complicated. She had already so many responsibilities, but she couldn’t deny that she wished she could spend more time with the princess. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.


	4. Stay

The sound of guns was deafening, but she had to move inside the compound and remove those shooters.

Lexa ducked under a rock and joined her friend and former mentor, Anya.

“What took you so long, _Heda_?” Anya asked.

“I was dealing with the Sky people’s leader. But I came as soon as I could.”

Lexa had been notified of the situation of the task force days ago, but she distracted herself with none other than Clarke. She spoke with the Sky princess yesterday morning, and the prospect of seeing her again in the coffee shop made her forget her priorities. Lexa had to remind herself that love was weakness, and even though she wasn’t sure what she was feeling for Clarke, she knew she had to cut those ties right away. Lexa prepared her men after seeing Clarke and immediately travelled to the deepest parts of the forest.

 

The torches were the sole source of light. It was way past 3am and Lexa knew she wasn’t going to make it to the coffee shop. The sun was going to rise in a matter of hours. Lexa only had to focus on the blood she was going to demand from her enemies tonight. Not on missing her date, or whatever that was.

“You sure took your time.” Anya crawled to move to a better position. Lexa followed.

“I’m here, aren’t I? Now can we get back to killing those gunners?”

Anya narrowed her eyes, she clearly knew something was going on with her former pupil. She became her teacher when Lexa was just a child and they have always been close.

“You three will come with me! Anya, you will take the tunnels while we keep the shots away from you.” Lexa ordered.

“ _Dison laik yu strat?”_ [Is that your plan?]

 _“Sha, Anya. GYON AU!”_ [Yes, Anya. GO!]

 

Lexa split from Anya and ran toward the hill. The gunshots increased and followed her and her men while she gave Anya an opening to enter the compound where machine guns were stored.

She unsheathed her sword and ran as fast as possible, using the trees as cover. As soon as she spotted one shooter she threw one of her daggers. The soldier fell to the floor instantly, dagger buried in his skull.

Lexa approached the next shooter, one of her men jumped first but got shot in return. Lexa in a swift motion slashed at the soldier, slitting his throat. Lexa turned around and using her momentum stabbed the man next on the stomach. Blood splattered on her face.  She was bathing in the blood of her enemies and she was pleased.

 _Jus Drein Jus Daun_ [Blood must have blood.]

 

Lexa kept moving fast. She was one man down but that didn’t stop her. Anya needed time to move inside the compound with the rest of the task force and send those men to infinity and beyond. The Grounders leader was brave, fighting hard, being ruthless, killing man after man. She reached an area covered in bushes, but there was no Mountain Man to be found. Lexa kneeled and took a closer look to the soil. The prints were barely visible.  She turned around, her eyes scanning the thick vegetation for movement or sound, she knew the man was near. A twig broke, she sprinted into that direction but the man shot.

“Argh!” Lexa growled. The bullet tore skin and probably bone, but she kept moving like a wolf hunting for prey. The man didn’t have a chance to make a second shot, she cut his arm with a swift movement of her sword and then stabbed him in the chest.

Lexa was breathing heavily. Tired and hurt, her armor was torn by the bullet and the wound seeped blood into her warrior’s clothes. But it wasn’t that lethal, Lexa thought. Her left arm was useless for the moment so she was going to be extra careful.

“ _Heda!”_ One of the men came to her aid.

Lexa raised her hand stopping him.

“ _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim!”_ [Get knocked down, get back up!] Lexa affirmed and moved inside the compound.

Lexa didn’t stop until all of the enemy’s soldiers were dead.

 

The sun was already on top of the canopy of the forest. Lexa was pale; her clothes drenched in blood. Her war paint already smudged on her face.

“ _Heda? Leksa, sochu?”_ [Commander? Lexa, are you okay?] Anya got closer to her leader.

“I uh, It’s nothing.” Lexa took a step but almost fell. Anya quickly caught her in her arms and saw the wound.

“ _Kik raun, Heda.”_ [Live, Commander] Anya pulled Lexa in her back and took her in a pick-up to Tondc.

 

The ride back home took her at least 40 minutes. Lexa was unconscious and Anya feared the worst.

Lexa sometimes snapped back into consciousness, seeing the trees moving at speed around her.

“Anya?” Lexa’s voice was barely audible.

“We’re close to the clinic, Lexa. Hang in there.” Anya pressed the wound hard, making Lexa moan in pain.

Lexa closed her eyes again; she was dizzy and was afraid she might end up puking on her former mentor.

 

Lexa had no idea how much time had passed but she could hear Anya’s angry words.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Where is Niko?”

“Indra’s camp was attacked, the doctor and Nyko headed to tend the injured.” Another voice spoke softly.

Lexa tried to get up from wherever she was.

“ _Indra? Haukom? Oso gada in gyon au”_  [Indra? Why? We need to go.]

Anya pushed Lexa back into bed, “you’re not going anywhere like this, _Heda_.” Anya had to restrain Lexa. “Radio Camp Jaha, they might have another doctor available. Tell them to come here stat!”

 

Lexa vanished again into unconsciousness. Everything was so silent, except for the sound of waves. The breeze felt soft on her skin and she was hot.

Lexa opened her eyes, she recognized the bedroom where she was.

_“Hey.”_

Lexa turned her face to her right and there she was, Lexa shook her head not quite believing what she was seeing.

_“You’re here.”_

A laughter that was too familiar replied her. _“Of course I’m here, silly.”_ The girl with brown skin and hazel eyes straddled her.

 _“Costia.”_ Lexa rested her hands carefully on the girl’s bare hips, _“it’s really you.”_

Costia leaned down to kiss the surprised girl. “Did the Commander hit her head?” She kissed her again, moving to her neck.

_“I uh, I thought that you. Never mind.”_

“HOLD HER STILL! I have to take out the bullet and I don’t have anesthesia.”

 _“What? Clarke?”_ Lexa was now very confused.

Costia kept kissing her neck softly, teasingly. “ _Shhh, hold still baby. Clarke’s got you.”_

 _“But you don’t know Clarke, Costia.”_ Lexa caressed her lover’s back, her hands traced her spine tenderly.

 _“Of course I do, she’s your princess.”_ And Costia bit her neck. Hard.

Lexa screamed.

“HOLD HER ANYA!!! The blood is making it very slippery and if she keeps moving I won’t be able to take out the bullet!”

Lexa screamed and screamed, it was so painful. “COSTIAAAA!” Lexa struggled but she was being pushed.

“ _Heda, chil au.”_ [Commander, stay calm.] Anya held her leader’s torso while the Sky people’s doctor cut Lexa and prodded her with medical tools.

“Got it!” Clarke pulled out with tweezers the metallic object from the flesh of the leader of the Grounders. She let it drop in a tray. “I have to stitch the wound.”

That was the last she heard before returning to the darkness.

 

Lexa blinked, adjusting her sight to the light in the room. She felt like standing up but the pain held her in bed. Lexa winced trying to move.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Clarke?” Lexa eyed the blurry blonde in front of her.

“Yeah, I’m here, Commander.”

Lexa focused her eyes until she could see Clarke perfectly. The blonde was seated on the edge of her bed, holding her hands tenderly.

“You were shot and Anya brought you here. My mom is out of town so I was the only one who could help. But hey, you didn’t’ die so I live for another day.” Clarke chuckled, “Anya is very protective of you, huh?”

“Yes, I was her second before I became commander. We are close friends.” Lexa’s throat felt raw. She coughed a bit, Clarke immediately offered her water.

“Drink, this will make you feel better.”

Lexa sipped from the cup that Clarke offered. “Thank you, Clarke.”

“Commander. Woah, never saw that coming. And here I thought you were just a cop who really likes donuts.” Clarke took the cup from Lexa when she was done and left it on the nightstand.

Lexa curved her lips slightly. “I was chosen to lead when I was a child. But yes, I am weak for donuts. I guess your description makes sense.”

Clarke laughed, and that made Lexa feel so warm on the inside. Seeing this girl whom she met in the coffee shop laugh like this meant so much to her.

“Stay away from the Commander!” Anya came into the room, eyes aimed at Clarke ready to kick her ass.

Clarke stood up, faced Anya sternly, not stepping back.

 _“Anya, nou mou.”_ [Anya, enough.] Lexa pleaded.

 _“Teik ai frag em op en dison laik odon.”_ [Let me kill her and get this over with.] Anya moved her hand to the hilt of her knife.

“ _Hod op!”_ [Wait!] Lexa faced Clarke. “Thank you, Clarke. I need to speak with Anya but, can you stay a little longer?” Lexa sounded so weak, she felt tired but she knew she wanted the blonde around.

Clarke smiled, with that huge smile Lexa liked so much. Then she looked at Anya. “Sure, I’ll be back in a while, Commander.”

Anya tensed her jaw, she didn’t like this girl’s attitude. She eyed the blonde until she was out of the bedroom. Anya then took the nearest chair and sat near her leader.

 

“What on earth are you doing, _Heda?_ ” Anya crossed her legs and looked with a worrisome expression at her former pupil.

“She’s my friend, Anya. That’s all.”

“You can lie to yourself all you want, Lexa. I have known you since you were 7. And you were looking at that girl like a dying puppy.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Of course not.” Lexa faced the window trying to convey her feelings. “I’m grateful for her help. I was hurt and she fixed me up.”

Anya arched her brow, narrowed her eyes. “Lexa, I know when you’re fooling around. You had your fair share of girls in Polis back then and I saw you fall in love as well.”

Lexa tensed her jaw. Indeed, Anya had been around when Lexa had her first kiss at 12. She was there when she hooked up with another girl when she was 16, providing counseling about relationships.  She had been there when she met Costia; and when she found her head, Anya had been there as well.

“You like that girl. She’s different; she’s from the Sky and the ground has no business with the sky.” Anya commented.

“ _Ai get in.”_ [I know] Lexa admitted.

“Good. Don’t forget you owe yourself to your people. This city runs because you guide us. That girl is nothing but trouble.” Anya warned, she stood up and squeezed Lexa’s arm in respect. “I’ll go and check on Indra. Gustus will be outside.”

 

Lexa nodded and once Anya left she threw the blankets over her body. Her lips quivered, and she was ashamed that someone else saw her like this, on the verge of breaking. She was strong.  However, her insides were crumbling. Clarke Griffin was out of this world, literally, and she had no idea how to manage these feelings. She wanted her to stay, Lexa wished she could have her but Anya was right. She belonged to her people, and Clarke could never be one of them.


	5. Let me in

Lexa stayed in the clinic for several days. Clarke took care of her wound since the rest of the medical staff was in the northern camp with Indra. Lexa understood that the only reason Clarke Griffin was here was to take care of her, simply avisit of a doctor to her patient. But Lexa’s eyes lit upwhen Clarke came into the room.

Of course, Anya would roll her eyes and grant some privacy while the Arker cleaned the wound of her leader. Anya didn’t trust Clarke at all and was ready to slit her throat at any moment.

 

“This looks so much better.” Clarke removed the gauze from Lexa’s shoulder and inspected the color of the skin, it was now a hue of red and pink. “The stitches are going to be in for at least another week, so I hope you take it easy, Commander.”

Lexa nodded. “Thank you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke disinfected the wound carefully. Lexa kept her face straight, not making a sound. Clarke looked into her eyes with wonder, “does it hurt?”

“No.” Lexa said. Being all tough and brave in front of Clarke was a must. Most Tree people were proud warriors and no man or woman would be interested in a warrior if they weren’t brave. It is a sign of strength among their people, so Lexa was showing off. But Clarke was no Tree person; she did not give a damn if Lexa was tough as nails.

Clarke softly pressed the raw wound, observing the change in color to make sure there was proper circulation. Lexa clenched her teeth. Clarke eyed Lexa again. “Are you in pain?”

“A bit,” was all Lexa was going to concede.

“Okay. The inflammation has reduced and these meds will help with the pain.” Clarke removed her examination gloves and tossed them in the trash bin.

 

“You have been very helpful, Clarke. I will make sure to repay this favor to the Sky people.” Lexa said solemnly. The tone of her voice was formal, the Commander of Tondc Police Department was the one speaking.

Clarke tilted her head, surprised by the coldness of the statement. “There is no need for formalities, I did it of my own accord, Lexa.”

“Still, I cannot owe your people. Gustus!” Lexa called.

 _“Sha, Heda?”_ [Yes, Commander?] Gustus entered the room, observing the Sky girl with distrust.

“Prepare the hunters. We will offer a banquet to repay the Sky people as soon as Indra’s team returns.”

Gustus nodded in understanding and went to do as ordered.

“Clarke, please forward my invitation to Chancellor Kane on my behalf.”

“Alright, Commander.” Clarke sounded annoyed, even offended by her insinuation. She picked up her med kit and walked away. Clarke cared, she really did, but it seemed Lexa was too blind to see it.

 

Lexa stood up to look out the window, following Clarke with her eyes until she could see her no more.

A sudden hit behind her head caught her by surprise.

“Ow!”

“Stop staring at that girl!” Anya scolded her, “and go back to bed.”

“ _Ai ge fis op, Anya.”_ [I am healed, Anya.]

“Don’t make me hit you again.” Anya crossed her arms, waiting impatiently until the girl she raised was back in bed.

Lexa returned to bed reluctantly. “I won’t make the same mistake again, Anya.”

Anya sighed, she really wanted her leader to be happy, to find a good healer or warrior who understood her, who could be by her side to support her. The loss of Costia had hurt Lexa in many ways. Anya wanted nothing more than see Lexa content but not with Clarke. Anya could see so clearly the sadness and the want in Lexa’s eyes every time she saw the blonde.

“I know. You have learned the hard way, _Heda_. You’re still young but you have come so far from the scrawny little kid I trained.” Anya told proudly.

“I had a great teacher.” Lexa commented candidly still thinking about her princess from the sky.

 

A whole week had passed, Lexa had returned to her office filling out several documents that required her attention. The banquet to celebrate the alliance between the Sky and Tree people was going to be tonight. And Lexa was stressed out because she was going to see Clarke. She wished she could use some trashy excuse to have Clarke around, but she knew that was a bad idea. Instead, she had made herself busy to avoid thinking about the Sky princess.

The times that Clarke came to check on her, Lexa usually dismissed her quickly, avoiding temptation. Clarke could perceive that Lexa was being coy, but she had no clue of the real reason. Their dynamic had change and Clarke was trying to make sense of it. The usual tension, the push and pull between the two had deepened but also split them.

 

Lexa repeated to herself over and over that this was for her own good. She had obligations, and none included doing the daughter of the medical doctor of the Arkers. But oh how she wanted to touch her. When Clarke cleaned her wound she could feel herself self-combust, how stupid that was. But Lexa had been lacking physical intimacy since Costia was killed. She missed having someone else in her bed, the warmth of another body when she woke up, the familiar touch and laughter. The day Costia left this world, that’s the day Lexa stopped caring about love.

And now that Clarke was in the equation, she felt her heart rate increase, she could feel desire and lust, but with Clarke there was something else.

She was falling in love with her.

 

Lexa went to the coffee shop to eat her usual donut and coffee. She was working nonstop, and the coffee was a great ally when she needed to work extra hours. With the party tonight she was filling more paperwork than usual. It was important to keep everything within budget according to Polis laws.

Across the street she heard the only laughter that made her feel 16 again.

Lexa’s gazed seek the sound and saw Clarke walking with her friends laughing and having a good time. Lexa noticed that Clarke was also hanging out with that guy from the club.

Lexa inhaled deeply and exhaled softly trying to ease the tension in her stomach. She clenched her fists, an anger boiling inside of her. How could she hate a guy that she didn’t know? A man that was good to Clarke didn’t deserve her hate.

Clarke spotted her and crossed the street to speak with her. She wanted to clear this tension that had been rising between them in the last week.

“Commander.” Clarke greeted. Tone neutral, blue eyes inspecting.

“Clarke.” Lexa replied. Her eyes moved immediately to the lips of the blonde, she took a bite of her donut trying to deviate her attention somewhere else.

“As soon as you were fully recovered you came for donuts,” Clarke smiled, trying to sound casual.

“I want to—I just wanted coffee. It’s a long day, Clarke.” Lexa took her cup with both hands, trying to keep her hands busy. “I really hope to see you tonight.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

“Good. Your friends are waiting.”

Clarke smiled again, but her smile was sad, she could clearly see tha she had been dismissed politely and waved goodbye to Lexa. As soon as Clarke was out of view, Lexa relaxed.

She knew that tonight was going to be hard. The desire to keep Clarke around her during the party was going to be too much to handle. Lexa had to show discipline and restraint, something that she handled pretty well, or so she thought.

 

 

The bonfire gave the woods a mystical look, the sound of drums resonated rhythmically and the laughter and movement of people dancing and drinking was outstanding. Lexa wore her combat uniform and war paint, since it was a formal ceremony in honor of the alliance. Commander Lexa sat at the main table and raised her glass.

“We are gathered here to celebrate this alliance between our people. May this union bring us victory!” Lexa gulped down the whole cup.

The cheers of both sides gave the party a happier vibe. The music was louder and everyone was enjoying it to the max.

Lexa ate and mostly discussed politics with Marcus Kane. That kept her distracted while she stole glances at Clarke who was seated beside her mother.

Clarke wore black jeans and a white top. Her hair was loose and the wind blew it softly, she was so gorgeous.

“Commander?” Marcus asked again.

“Ah yes, I agree, Chancellor. We must prepare a strategical plan to approach the compound of the enemy—”

“Jesus, could you two stop talking about war? This is a party, right?” Clarke jumped in the conversation; she smiled and stood up from the table.

“Yes, that’s true. Please enjoy the party, Chancellor. Excuse me.” Lexa stood up and followed Clarke.

 

Lexa took another cup of wine and drank while watching Clarke dancing to the rhythm of the drums. She was wild, like a beautiful creature roaming around the forest, moving smoothly, majestically; the sway of her hips was enticing. Lexa was going to need something stronger if she wanted to survive the night.

Clarke was dancing with Monty Green, an expert in _tek_ who was a good friend of Clarke’s. They moved a bit off beat but it was fun to watch. Lexa noted that Octavia was dancing with Lincoln, another warrior from Indra’s division and the guy from the club was dancing with Echo.

Lexa assumed that Sky people were pretty open regarding relationships. If Clarke were hers she wouldn’t split one second from her side. And that opened an old wound in her memory, when Costia danced for her and only her in the quiet of her room.

The gracious movements of her lovely Costia, her cheeky smile, her hands trailing all over her body, it took Lexa’s breath away every single time.

Costia danced beautifully. Then she’d walked towards her lover and kissed her sweetly at first, and then ravaged her with her love.

Lexa shook her head, shaking off the memory, walked to the bar and took another cup of whatever was available and walked away from the party. She needed to breathe.

 

Lexa was in the darkest area of the forest. She closed her eyes and tried to focus her breathing, letting go of the pain. Costia had been surfacing lately. And the more time she spent with Clarke, the more she remembered what it felt like to love someone and it was killing her.

The brunette took a swig of her hard liquor, letting it shut down the conflicted emotions.

“Lexa?”

“Clarke.” Lexa turned around and found Clarke standing behind her, Clarke leaned forward, furrowing her brows.

“Talk to me,” Clarke’s voice was soft, so caring, it was painful.

“I’m fine, Clarke. You should return to the party. I don’t want you to upset your partner.”

“My partner?” Clarke scratched her head, “Monty?” Clarke laughed, but seeing how serious Lexa’s expression was she stopped.

“No. Monty is a friend.”

“The taller one with thick brown hair and freckles.” Lexa gulped down the rest of her drink and tossed the cup in frustration.

“Oh, OH. Bellamy? Bell is a friend, actually he’s like a brother to me.”

“Is he?” Lexa creased her brow, her tone was angry, filled with jealousy and pain. She was face to face with Clarke, daring her with her body language to admit that she was with Bellamy.

Clarke stood her ground, not moving an inch back. “I don’t know what’s with you, Lexa—“

“I think you do.” Lexa spat and moved away from Clarke. However Clarke went after her, blocking her pathway.

“You’ve been pushing me away since Anya came back, acting like a goddamn robot. You don’t let anyone in! What the hell do you want me to do?”

“Stop being such a hypocrite!” Lexa growled.

“Yeah? Well, at least I’m not a liar,” Clarke shouted, “you say you’re fine when I know it isn’t true.” Clarke advanced toward Lexa forcing the cop to move back, making her stumble on her feet, “you stand tall and proud in front of your people when you’re a mess inside! I see you, Lexa, so yeah, I might be a hypocrite, but you’re the biggest liar of them all!” Clarke had backed Lexa against a tree. The blonde was angry and so frustrated.

Lexa clenched her jaw, her eyes were burning with fire and pain.

“GO. AWAY!” Lexa roared.

Clarke held her stare for one more second and then moved away from the commander.

 

Lexa, breathed in and out, in and out; she was torn, her feelings threatening to spill. Her eyes watered a bit, and she felt that Clarke had slapped her with her hurtful words.

How did Lexa come to be in such a delicate position, where one girl could make her feel like this: destroyed, weak and so conflicted.

The tension between them had finally blown up. Two strong women had to clash someday.

Tonight they did.


	6. Elephant in the room

Suddenly the night felt so cold, even though the bonfire was burning with intensity. The music was loud and the people were having fun, except for Clarke Griffin and Lexa.

The blonde had gone back to her table. She was drinking with her friends Octavia and Raven, but by her facial expression it was clear that she was upset. Of course, her wonderful pals wanted to find out what was the reason of Clarke being all sad when she was always the party animal. However, Clarke kept silent, drinking and changing the subject of conversation. Bellamy joined the trio; he patted Clarke’s back and ruffled Octavia’s hair. At least, he was cheering her up.

 

On the other side of the party area was Lexa, broody as ever, drinking like there was no tomorrow. Stealing glances at Clarke, drowning in jealousy. Gustus stood by her side, watching her, simply being there to support the girl he had been taking care of since her parents died. Lexa finished her booze and reached for another bottle.

“ _Heda, drein daun no mou.”_ [Commander, stop drinking.] Gustus sat beside the brunette.

Lexa eyed Gustus, “ _em ogud, Gostos.”_ [it’s okay, Gustus.] And took a swig at her newfound liquor.

Lexa was fighting with herself, trying to find balance between her own beliefs and her heart. She wanted to speak with Clarke, to make things right but the struggle with who she was, was making things harder for her. And seeing Bellamy making her smile and be there for Clarke made things so much worse.

“ _Beja, Heda.”_ [Please, Commander.] Her faithful guardian was worrying too much. Even when Lexa looked like she was made of steel, he could see in her eyes how troubled she was.

Lexa sighed, _“Ai na bants.”_ [I will leave.]

Lexa stood up from her comfy chair, she was going to retreat to her place when a sudden flock of birds passed through the woods. Like they were escaping something.

Everyone stared into the dark sky. Sky people frowned confused by the weird natural occurrence, but Lexa knew.

 

 _“TEIK EM LAUD TROMON-DE!”_ [SOUND THE HORN!] Lexa shouted and ran to get Clarke. Her first instinct was not to protect her people, but Clarke.

Immediately chaos ensued, grounders scattered trying to get to safety while the inhabitants of Camp Jaha were also moving away. The commotion creating fear and mistrust. Lexa ran fast and caught up with Clarke quickly who was calling for her mother.

“MOM!” Clarke looked around but everything was happening so fast.

“You need to come with me, now!” Lexa grasped Clarke’s arm and pulled, but Clarke resisted.

What is going on?” Clarke asked amid the upheaval. “My mom is still out there!”

“If you stay, you die. Your mother will be fine. Trust me.”

Clarke took a look around once more, then nodded, and followed Lexa across the woods.

 

The two girls ran in the dark vast of the forest. Clarke following Lexa, who clearly knew this woods better than her, the blonde peeked behind her and saw the fog bursting out from a mysterious tornado-like storm.

“What the fuck?” Clarke looked in horror. She was starting to cough, the fog was right on their asses.

“Keep running, Clarke!”

Lexa turned around some trees, reaching to a hatch that was hidden on the floor and pulled from it.

“Get in!”

Clarke jumped inside the hole and Lexa followed closing the lid.

The two girls were breathless, heaving from the effort. Clarke was leaning on her knees, catching her breath.

“What was that?”

Clarke tried to recognize where she was, the place was dark, and it smelled of moss and humidity. Lexa got lost for a second in the shadows of the place.

“Acid fog. It’s common in the woods.”

Lexa flicked a matchstick and lighted up a candle. With the sudden light, Clarke could appreciate the kind of place where she was. It was a small room with a tiny table with two chairs. The more candles Lexa turned, the more clear the room came into view.

In the back, there was a small bed and to the left a kitchenette. It was a small emergency shelter in the middle of the woods. Clarke could have never imagined this kind of place existed in the forest.

 

“We’ll be safe here. The fog can take a while to dissipate but there is food and water stored in those cabinets.” Lexa pointed to her upper left. She removed her coat and hung it on one of the chairs, then she walked to the small night table and took out a book from the lower drawer. She returned to the table and sat.

Clarke walked cautiously around the place, examining the few items around, observing the details of the very minimalist but well equipped shelter.

“You live here?” Clarke slid her fingers over the furniture. It wasn’t dirty.

“I come here when I am need of time for myself. Sometimes work becomes overwhelming and I need to quiet my mind.” Lexa flipped the next page of her book, ‘The Book of Five Rings’ by Miyamoto Musashi.

Clarke strolled around and paused when she reached the bed.

Lexa raised her eyes when she stopped hearing Clarke’s steps around and noticed the clear question mark in Clarke’s mind. “You can use it. I’ll stay here.”

“It’s not, I mean, we can, maybe—“

“You need to rest, you took out the most of the celebration.” Lexa returned to her reading.

 

Clarke sat on the bed, and removed her boots. She stood there for a couple of minutes staring at the ceiling, but the silence was killing her.  Clarke eyed Lexa, the candle light gave her a mysterious look. She could appreciate the features of the brunette. From her war paint, to her cheeks, to her profile. The braids in her hair, the way she pursed her lips. Her stillness was admirable.

“What is it?” Lexa asked suddenly. Leaving the book over the table, Lexa walked to the restroom, where she removed the paint and washed her face.

“Nothing.”

It was evident that you could cut the tension with a knife. Things wanted to be said but no one dared to say them - the big elephant in the room.

 

Lexa dried her face and hung the towel over her neck while she walked back into the small room. She went to the kitchen and took a cup from the cupboard. She poured herself water and drank. After all, she had been drinking heavily tonight and she was not used to so much booze. She needed her head clear to lead her force, tonight was an exception. She was feeling a bit dizzy with the effects of the alcohol in her system.

“The things I said...” Clarke was up, hands inside her pockets. Her voice soft, careful. “I just want to understand.”

Lexa faced Clarke, took a deep breath before moving closer. “This is who I am, Clarke. You might not like it, but that’s who I have to be to keep my people safe.”

“A heartless bitch?” Clarke spat.

“Clarke, if you’re looking for an apology—“

“I don’t.” Clarke sighed, and closed her eyes; they were going to end up arguing if they kept this same train of thought. Clarke took a couple of steps back, she sat in one of the chairs. “Who is Costia?” Clarke had been curious since she heard the name slip from the commander that day in the clinic.

 

Lexa clenched her jaw, just to hear the name made it all so real again, opening the wounds that were supposed to be closed.

“How do you know that name?” Lexa was surprised.

“You called her while I took the bullet out from your shoulder.”

Lexa stood silent, not sure if she could trust her with something so personal. However, one look into those blue depths and Lexa knew she could trust her. “She was someone special to me” Lexa began. Her iron features softened the slightest, enough for Clarke to see. “She was captured by the Ice Nation whose queen believed she knew my secrets. Because she was mine. They tortured her, killed her, cut off her head.”

Clarke turned to look at Lexa. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought I would never get over the pain, but I did it.”

“How?”

“By recognizing it for what it is.” Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes. “Weakness.”

Clarke was puzzled. “What it is? Love?”

Lexa nodded with her head.

“So you stopped caring about everyone?”

Lexa affirmed again, she took her book again and sat to read, right beside Clarke.

 

And now everything made sense for Clarke, why Lexa was so detached. However, Clarke had seen bits and pieces of a Lexa who was compassionate and righteous, a girl who cared for her people as well. She couldn’t accept that there was no space for feelings inside the commander’s heart.

And the fact that Lexa trusted her enough to tell her about her lost love meant so much to Clarke.

“I lost someone special too. His name was Finn.”

Lexa stopped reading and faced Clarke - her full attention on the blue eyes that shone like the stars.

“When we were living in the Ark years ago, Finn and I were happy. He was romantic, not me” Clarke chuckled, “also he was reckless and a total goofball. Then he got sick, we found that he was terminally ill. Months of fighting to save him.” Clarke choked a bit, “he died in my arms.”

“I am sorry, Clarke.”

“Only when I could finally accept he was gone forever, when I truly said goodbye, that’s when I started to heal. It’s still a long way but I’m doing the best I can. For me, that’s not weakness. Love is strength. Love they say, removes the hurt. I choose to believe that.”

“So you became a doctor?”

“I knew I didn’t want anyone else to go through what I did. But I still like art.” Clarke smiled.

“There are notepads in those drawers.” Lexa pointed to a small bookshelf, “and some pencils in the upper drawer if you want to draw.” Lexa offered.

“I would love to, but I’m really tired.” Clarke rested her hand over Lexa in empathy.

Lexa gulped, feeling the warm skin over her own made her burn, just a soft touch ignited something bigger than her in return.

“Good night, Lexa.” Clarke stood up, leaving Lexa’s hand cold and empty again.

“Good night, Clarke.”

 

Lexa watched over Clarke all night long. She was used to no sleep, being a cop in a task force unit teaches you to keep your eyes open, your senses in full alert, and ready for action. But watching over Clarke, sleeping in her bed did awful things to her sanity. Lexa removed her boots and accommodated her frame on the wooden chair; she lifted her feet off the floor and rested them over the table. Her eyes glued to Clarke.

“ _Hodnes laik uf.”_ [Love is strength.]

Lexa reclined in the chair, trying to get as comfy as possible. Thinking about what Clarke just said. Wondering if she had been wrong by closing her heart.


	7. Follow me through the dark

Silence. Only the tic tac tic tac of the clock hanging on the wall could be heard in the four walls that surrounded the two girls who had fallen asleep. One, in a bed that smelled of warrior, loneliness and want. The other, in a chair that was hard as her resolution to not bend to her desires.

 

Lexa woke up first, with the biggest headache of her life. Lexa sat upright on the chair. She held her head with both hands and closed her eyes trying to calm the dizziness. She took a couple of breaths before rising up.

All her muscles hurt, her bones cracked while she stretched trying to ease the pain. Then, she took a glimpse to where Clarke laid. She was sleeping peacefully and oh, what Lexa wouldn’t have give to be beside the princess. Holding her between her arms, protecting and keeping her safe from the world.

The cop moved slow to avoid waking the girl up, she was in serious need of an aspirin. She walked to her restroom and opened the upper cabinet. Tampons, gauze, bandages, even poison that she had prepared in case of emergency, but no aspirin.

“Great.” Lexa closed the cabinet and went back to the kitchen, where she poured more water. She drank her cup and pressed her temple trying to dull the headache.

 

“Hey.”

Lexa looked Clarke’s direction and almost faints. Clarke Griffin in all her morning glory was everything she had dreamt of. Her mane so wild, her groggy voice and lazy smile was so beautiful.

“Hi.” That’s all Lexa could say, she was staring like a complete fool at the girl sitting in her bed like an angel from heaven, actually, like a princess fallen from the sky.

Clarke smiled grew wider. “You look like shit, Commander.”

Lexa blushed in complete embarrassment and hid her face away from Clarke. “It’s just a headache, Clarke. I can take care of it.”

“I can totally see that.” Clarke moved past Lexa in the kitchen and opened a few cupboards. “I am starving.”

 

The way Clarke moved around like she owned the place made Lexa’s heart clench. Clarke felt comfortable enough here to do as she pleased and that feeling of belonging made Lexa dream of things that she couldn’t allow herself to have.

Clarke opened the mini fridge and took out a couple of frozen bags. “What is this?” Clarke lifted one of the bags in Lexa’s direction.

“ _Trilipa.”_

Clarke tilted her head and grinned. “Stop messing with me, Commander.”

Lexa smiled, and it felt so good and natural to be with her guard down for once. “It’s deer.”

“Are you serious?” Clarke put the bag back in the mini fridge.

“Of course, I hunted it myself.” Lexa put the cup back in the kitchen table and went to look for clean clothes.

“Lexa, there is a supermarket like 2 miles away.”

Lexa came back with spare clothes for her and Clarke. “I don’t have the time to go and buy groceries when I’m in deep meditation.”

“Geez, you’re so zen sometimes, Commander.” Clarke laughed.

“And you dare to mock me, Clarke of the sky people?” Lexa left the clothes over the bed and walked towards Clarke. A few feet apart from her, looking at her with predatory eyes.

“And what’re you going to do about it?” Clarke challenged.

Lexa arched her brow and took a step closer, invading Clarke’s personal space. Lexa stared into the blue of Clarke’s eyes, then her lips, then back into her eyes. Lexa was very, very close and this was getting dangerous. Clarke was still, waiting. But for what?

 

The movement caught Clarke by surprise, she definitely wasn’t expecting this. She burst in laughter while Lexa tickled her ribs.

A laughter that sent butterflies into Lexa’s stomach, she kept tickling the shorter girl until she was out of breath.

“Okay okay I surrender.” Clarke pushed Lexa away. “You win, Lexa.”

“Hope you have learned a valuable lesson today, Clarke.” Lexa smiled briefly before getting back to serious business. “I don’t have a shower here but there is a river 500m away. Then I’ll take you back to Tondc. These clothes might be useful.” Lexa offered the clean clothes.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

 

The forest was filled with the sound of birds and the wind ruffled the leaves of the huge trees. Sometimes their boots would stomp on leaves that crunched under their weight and twigs that broke abruptly. Lexa guided Clarke, her eyes opened and alert, her senses not as sharp due to the huge hangover. Damn her stupid jealousy.

They kept moving through the vegetation until they reached the river. It was a beautiful stream, surrounded by rocks and an openness that let the sun bathe them with its light.

“You can bathe here. I’ll be patrolling around.” Lexa was ready to leave when Clarke stopped her, holding her arm.

“Lexa, don’t be silly. You need to clean yourself and you look like a bath would help you with that hangover you have.”

Lexa couldn’t argue against that, the cold water might wake her up a bit. She nodded in acceptance.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m gonna bite you or anything. Besides, I have no clue how to swim so I might need your help.” Clarke smiled and turned around to remove her clothes.

Lexa walked to the opposite corner and unbuckled her belt. Thinking that if Clarke bit her she wouldn’t mind at all.

 

First to jump into the water was Clarke. She was cheerful and happy, and that did things to Lexa. Clarke was such a headstrong, determined and caring young woman; it was hard not to admire her.

Lexa stood in her own little corner of the river, watching Clarke from afar. She soaped her body quickly and once done she just lay there, in the cold water. Trying to ease her headache and watch over Clarke.

Clarke was done too and she was now having fun, playing with the rocks and throwing them into the river. Lexa smiled, it gave her such peace just seeing that silly girl. She wished she could be someone else entirely, someone who wasn’t as damaged and  broken on the inside. She was all darkness and Clarke wouldn’t follow her in the dark. Clarke Griffin was light, was life, and she needed someone who could brighten her days. Like Costia.

“What is that?” Clarke pointed to the river. She started to get into the deep of the river.

Lexa stood up. “Clarke stay where you are. But Clarke was Clarke, she does whatever she wants.

“Clarke get the hell out!” Lexa took her knife and sheathed in the waistband of her underwear. Suddenly, Clarke was dragged down the water. “CLARKE!” Lexa swam after Clarke.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke screamed as soon as her head emerged out of water.

Lexa got out of the water to breathe and looked at her surroundings scanning for Clarke. She saw the ripples in the water and took a deep breath and went in. She kicked fast with her legs, propelling her body forward, she unsheathed the knife and slashed at the animal holding Clarke’s leg. Lexa cut deep, the water stained red and pulled Clarke out into the surface. Lexa kept pulling Clarke until they were at a safe distance. Near the shore.

Both were out of breath, Clarke was coughing but she was breathing okay. Lexa pulled Clarke close to her, checking that she was all right.

“I got you.” Lexa said between breaths.

“Thank you.” Clarke leaned in, resting her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“You’re safe, Clarke.” Lexa repeated soothingly, her hands surrounded Clarke, embracing her, and that’s when she realized that they were holding each other. Skin to skin, in their undies. Lexa gulped down, the sudden realization burning her. She pulled back just to see that Clarke was really okay. She cupped the blonde’s face and looked into her eyes to see reassurance. When she saw those blue eyes staring back at her, that was her undoing. She was going to do the stupidest thing she could do. Yes, she was going to kiss her.

 

Clarke bit her lip, maybe that was the signal Lexa was waiting for. Lexa parted her lips slightly in complete awe. Lexa stared at Clarke’s lips, then back into her eyes. She was totally going to do it. She was human, and she was weak for Clarke Griffin. Lexa could only hope that she wasn’t getting the wrong signals from Clarke or else this was going to be a disaster.

Lexa started to close the gap between them, slowly, giving Clarke enough time to push her away. Her body language was clear to show her intentions. She tilted her head, a good angle to reach Clarke’s mouth; she was going to kiss her. She wanted to taste those lips for a while now, and there was no power in this world stopping her from tasting Clarke today.

She leaned forward, closing the distance, she was so close now.

“CLAAAAARKE!”

 

Clarke turned her face to the opposite direction and Lexa pulled away.

“Oh my, and here we thought you were in some kind of imminent danger.”

“Shut it, Octavia.” Clarke protested.

Lexa helped Clarke sit in a rock. “You’re bleeding.”

“What?” Clarke looked at her ankle. “Crap, I didn’t notice.”

“I’ll go get Bell and Raven, be right back.” Octavia said, then she ran away to get her friends.

“I’m sorry, I should have taken care of that. Your friends will take good care of you now. I uh, I have to go.” Lexa wanted to avoid giving explanations to Clarke’s friends, and she definitely didn’t want to deal with the awkward situation in which they were found. And she was going to die of jealousy if she stayed around Bellamy and Clarke.

“You don’t have to go.” Clarke stated, eyes still lingering on the green of Lexa’s eyes.

“I have things to do, Clarke. Your friends will get you home.” Lexa said coldly, her walls were up again. Lexa dressed up quickly and put on her boots.

“Bell is going to get the first aid kit with Raven, they should be here in a couple more minutes.” Octavia sat beside Clarke. “So, what was that?”

Lexa clearly wanted to be as far away from here as possible, she really didn’t need to hear the conversation between Clarke and Octavia of what happened.

“Um, nothing, O. Leave it alone.” Clarke sounded irritated.

 

Lexa grabbed her things and stormed away before eavesdropping more. Clarke had been clear, it meant nothing. Lexa meant nothing to her. Whatever that was, probably was a result of their bonding time. Maybe Clarke was not into girls and she mixed up the signals. Lexa probably misinterpreted their time together and Clarke wanted to be friends only, or Clarke was straight as an arrow and clearly wanted to go through her experimental phase. Whatever that was Lexa knew she made a mistake. She couldn’t open herself again; risk everything for someone who couldn’t give a damn about her. Lexa wasn’t going be used just for Clarke’s amusement.

Clarke was light, she was dark, and the light couldn’t reach the dark.


	8. A dangerous game

When Lexa opened her eyes it was dark, her head was killing her. She blinked a couple of times until she was fully awake and felt the movement beside her. Lexa froze.  She sat on the bed and realized that this wasn’t her bedroom; she had no idea where she was.

Lexa turned to look at the other person in the bed. There was a girl sleeping on her side. Her dark long hair cascaded over the mattress and her back pointed at Lexa. The brunette slid off of the bed as slowly as possible to avoid waking whoever this girl was. Lexa was in her bra and undies so she had to tiptoe her way around to pick up her black jeans and muscle shirt. She moved to the door and cracked it open; no one was around so she slid out of wherever she was. And sighed in relief.

“What the hell happened?” Lexa shut her eyes trying to remember how on earth she ended up in this place.

Lexa dressed quickly and walked out of the apartment. Luckily, she found her bike parked outside which meant that she drove here.

Lexa found the keys in her pants and drove back home.

 

Once she showered she dried her body and walked to the front of the mirror. Her green eyes were bloodshot, and she noticed the bruises on her neck. Bites to be exact.

“Crap.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose trying to remember what the hell she just did.

She remembered music, laughter, and Clarke. It always has to do with Clarke.   Lexa popped some pills and headed to the police station.

 

The day had been full of work, filling out forms and getting ready for war. Lexa had been inside her office, not daring to go out, she even ignored her desire for coffee and donuts - trying to avoid bumping into Clarke. She wanted to have the facts straight before she spoke with the blonde. Whatever happened last night, Clarke Griffin was involved.

“You’re not taking this seriously, _Heda_.” Anya commented. She was in the office working alongside Lexa.

“I am, Anya. I’m doing what I can to keep law and order running in this place.” Lexa replied.

“That’s not what it looked like last night, _Heda_.”

Lexa stopped what she was doing asap. “What? Anya what happened?”

Anya narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been childish, reckless. Where’s the girl I trained, the girl I was proud of?”

Lexa bowed her head in shame. She knew Anya was right; she was acting like a complete fool. These feelings for Clarke were going to drive her insane.

 

Lexa kept writing her report regarding the latest situation in Tondc to send back to Polis. But her head went back to Clarke sleeping in her bed, to Clarke in the river, to them almost kissing. Lexa hit the table, she was annoyed at herself. She couldn’t remember what the hell she did last night.

Anya didn’t say anything, she just observed.

A knock on the door announced a visitor. The door opened and Lexa’s heartbeat exploded.

“Commander? May I have a word?”

“Clarke. Come in.” Lexa stood up from her chair to meet the young doctor. “ _Gon we, Anya_.” [Leave us, Anya.]

Anya just rolled her eyes and left the two girls alone.

“Is there something you need?” Lexa asked.  Voice without any inflection. Trying to act as normal as possible.

“You’re an asshole.” Clarke pointed out.

Lexa raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised by Clarke’s reaction.

“I don’t recall how I earned such a title. If you refresh my memory I could be of more help, Clarke.” Lexa was wondering what the hell she did to make Clarke pissed at her, so her next strategy was looking at Clarke with her heart eyes.

 

She was so damn attracted to her she couldn’t hide it anymore, at least not in front of the blonde who stole her dreams every single night.

Clarke eyed Lexa stone cold. “Really? Can’t remember how you ended up kissing that girl and how you told me basically to fuck off?”

Lexa remained thoughtful and then the images came back, rushing into her dormant memory.

Lexa had left work earlier; she rode her bike through the dark streets of Tondc when she spotted Clarke. She was going to the club with Bellamy, Octavia and Raven. That made her stop. She parked the bike and walked into ‘The Cave.’

The music blasted through the speakers with some Sky people’s music. Lexa walked through the heated bodies around the bar and moved past the dance floor. She saw the trio at a table speaking with other guys.

“Commander!” Clarke smiled at her.

“Clarke, what a coincidence.” Lexa lied, “how are you?”

“Good, thanks for saving my ass in the river. Sit with us, if you have time.” Clarke offered. She formally introduced her friends: Octavia, Raven, Bellamy, Monty and Jasper.

“So, these are your friends.” Lexa emphasized ‘friends’ and eyeing with some wariness at Bellamy.

“And this is Clarke’s grounder girl, huh?” Raven smiled cheekily, studying the cop.

Clarke flushed immediately. “We’re actually allies. Right, Commander?”

“Of course. For the alliance.” Lexa raised the glass offered to her and that’s when the party began.

 

Lexa marveled at all the games these people came up with: beer pong, crazy drinking games, poker, etc. It was insane.

“Hey,” Clarke bumped Lexa’s shoulder while she watched the game between Jasper and Monty.

“Hey, Clarke. This is interesting I must admit.”

“You need to loosen just a bit, there’s no need to be so uptight Lexa.”

“I’m not like you, Clarke. I have bigger issues to worry about.”

“Yes, I know. Still, you could relax a bit. I like it when you smile.”

Lexa’s cheeks turned pink, eyes on Clarke. “Clarke I—“

“Come ‘ere Lexa, show us what you got.” Octavia gave Lexa a push and she was at the beer pong table. Clarke went to Lexa’s side to explain the rules. She nodded when Clarke was done and the game began.

 

Lexa kicked several asses that night. And the smile of Clarke made her feel so damn happy.

“Damn that was cheating, she’s a cop. She obviously has good aim.” Monty protested.

“Sore loser!” Clarke joked.

She sat with Lexa back at the table and chatted about trivial things. However, whatever she discussed with Clarke was suddenly more interesting. It was like Clarke gave meaning to everything in her life.

“Alright, let’s hit the dance floor.” Raven said, she pulled Bellamy to dance.

“You wanna dance?” Clarke asked Lexa.

“I um, sorry, I don’t dance.”

Clarke giggled. “Okay, you promise to take me to that marvelous place of yours to draw and I’ll teach you to dance, deal?” The blonde offered her hand.

Lexa thought it was a fair trade so she shook Clarke’s hand in agreement.

“Let’s go Monty. And Lexa, don’t drink whatever Jasper gives you. He’s insane. Avoid the Moonshine at all costs.” Clarke took Monty’s hand and the two of them were off to dance.

 

Lexa drank beer, observing with detail Clarke’s movements. She was enthralled.

“You’re so thirsty, Commander.” Octavia took the empty chair beside Lexa.

“What? I have beer.” Lexa was clearly not getting it.

Octavia burst in laughter. “Right, forgot this isn’t your native language. You like, Clarke.” Octavia stated.

Lexa remained silent.

“It’s okay, she’s obviously interested too.” Octavia took a swig of her beer, but it was already empty. “Hey Jasper, bring us the good stuff!”

“Incoming!”

“Isn’t Clarke dating your brother? Why are you telling me this?” Lexa eyed Octavia, not sure if she could trust this girl.

“Clarke and Bell? Hell no!”

“But, they kissed. I saw them right here.”

“Here you go ladies, enjoy.” Jasper winked to Octavia. “Moonshine for the badass bitch.” Jasper left the jars over the table and left.

“Hmm, that might have been truth or dare, Raven dared Bellamy to kiss Clarke. Raven is my brother’s girl by the way. So chill, Commander. It meant nothing.” Octavia drank her shot and poured more booze.

Lexa didn’t know if this was the truth or not, but she wished it was. That there was nothing more than camaraderie between the two.

“So, Commander. You’re Lincoln’s boss, right?” Octavia faced Lexa. She seemed very eager to know.

“Yes, he is part of Indra’s unit. Do you have any problems with him?” Lexa took the shot and she almost dies. She wasn’t made to drink like this sky kids.

“Oh I wish. Can you like, send him to patrol around Camp Jaha or something? Do that for me, and I’ll do something for you.” Octavia proposed.

Lexa was suspicious but she was also desperate for Clarke. “Agreed.”

Octavia seemed very happy with the development of things and she smiled. “Very well, get ready Commander, ‘cos this might be your only chance.”

 

“BODYY SHOOOOOOOTS!!!” Octavia raised her glass and drank to celebrate their newest shenanigan.

Raven sat over the bar and put a half lime in her mouth while Bellamy rub some salt in her abs. Then, Bellamy licked the salt, took his shot and then took the lime with his mouth, kissing Raven in the process.

“Holy sh—“

“Alright, one shot for Braven. Now let’s see how you two do, gal pals.” Octavia passed the lime to Clarke. Lexa looked for any sign that Clarke was disgusted with this idea, but when Clarke smiled she knew this was going to happen.

“Hey Lexa, it’s fine. You relax, okay?” Clarke sat over the table and lifted her shirt.

It was Lexa’s turn but she was so nervous and so epically drunk. Clarke smiled, encouragingly. Octavia poured the booze over Clarke’s body. Lexa approached and sucked slowly the salt on Clarke’s wrist, then she leaned over Clarke’s abs to drink the alcohol. Lexa was burning with desire and this was making it so much worse.  She sucked dry the liquid, moved on top, and stared into the blue abyss of Clarke’s eyes. Lexa cupped her face and leaned in to take the lime, but Lexa stopped midway.

“I can’t.” Lexa lifted up from the table and walked away leaving Clarke pretty confused.

 

Lexa was outside breathing fresh air, she was suffocating. This had to stop, and this game ended pretty badly.

“You okay?” A girl spoke to her from behind.

Lexa turned on her heels. “Yes.”

“You’re a tough player. I saw you back in there. You caught my eye.” The girl smelled of smoke and booze. Just like Lexa. Her dark eyes reminded her of Costia but her personality was more Clarke. Probably Lexa was so drunk that she was projecting her fantasies on this stranger.

“I did? You’re not bad yourself.” Lexa took a step closer. She couldn’t have Clarke, but this, she could get.

 

Lexa kissed the girl against the brick wall, she reeked of desperation and self-loathing. All she wanted was to forget.

“Lexa? What the hell?” Clarke stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Get lost, Clarke!” Lexa growled. She wanted distance, she needed distance. This was eating her alive. Not knowing if Clarke liked her as a friend or not.

“Lexa, this chick is a total stranger, you can’t just hook-up with whomever you want!”

“Yes, I can. Give me a reason why I shouldn’t, Clarke. One. Reason!” Lexa challenged.

But Clarke stayed quiet. The blonde clenched her jaw, eyes set on Lexa’s sad eyes.

“I see.” Lexa said bitterly. She pulled the girl to her bike and off they rode.


	9. Trust

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa now remembered and was ashamed. This was getting out of control. Her life had been turned upside down thanks to this girl standing in front of her.

“You can be a real pain in the ass, Lexa. But I want to make things right. I shouldn’t have pushed you to play something that made you uncomfortable.”

“I am a grown up, Clarke. I make my own decisions.”

Clarke moved her eyes to Lexa’s neck, where she noticed the bruises. Lexa fixed the collar of her shirt quickly.

“I’m at fault here. Sorry.” Clarke apologized but not meeting Lexa’s deep stare.

“Tell Octavia that I will fulfill my part of the bargain.”

Clarke furrowed her brow. “Octavia?”

Lexa nodded.

“Very well, Commander.” Clarke turned around and headed out of the office. She sighed as soon as she left. She felt so sad, she knew Lexa was hurting. Lexa could keep her mask on around everybody, but Clarke could see through her.

 

Clarke moved through the busy halls of the station and when she turned around the corner to reach the exit door she was met by Anya, who pushed her against the wall.

“Ow, what the hell!?”

“Stay away from Lexa.” Anya grunted, eyes ferocious over Clarke.

“What is your problem, Anya? Your commander can do as she wants.”

“Don’t you get it? Then you’re stupid if you can’t see it. Stay away from Lexa or else I will make sure you do once and for all.” Anya kept the hold on Clarke’s sweatshirt.

“I’m not afraid of you. I won’t stop seeing her just because you want me to. Lexa is my friend.” Clarke snarled back.

 

“ _ANYA! EM PLENI!”_ [Anya! ENOUGH!”] Lexa came out of her office after she heard the ruckus. Eyes set on Anya, her hand fidgeting with the hilt of her knife she carried in her belt.

 _“Heda, beja.”_ [Commander, please.] Anya looked at Lexa, hoping she could understand why she was doing this.

“ _Hod yu rein daun.”_ [Mind your place.] Lexa took a step closer, hand still over the hilt of her knife.

Anya released her hold on Clarke and moved away.

“Are you okay?” Lexa’s features immediately softened around Clarke.

Clarke nodded breathing in relief. It was amazing how Lexa could inflict fear, respect with her stance and voice and suddenly, soften like a puppy. Lexa was always gentle with Clarke.

 _She’s just a friend._ Clarke repeated mentally. Deep down she knew that wasn’t 100% true, it wasn’t just about friendship, not anymore.

 

“I promised to take you somewhere to draw. I guess I should take you tomorrow, as an apology for Anya’s behavior of course.” Lexa quickly clarified.

Clarke smiled. Lexa had that effect on her. “Sure and I promised I was going to teach you to dance.”

Lexa nodded.

Clarke chuckled. She could see behind that stoic facade of the cop and that made her heart skip a beat.

“Tomorrow at 18hrs. I’ll meet you at the exit of Camp Jaha, pack for staying a couple of days in the wilderness.” Lexa instructed and returned to her office.

 

Clarke was back home. Her mom was usually at the clinic working so she was all by herself. She headed to her bedroom and opened the top drawer on her nightstand. She took out her sketchpad and opened it.

The first pages were all nature related work. She could see clearly her progression from the stars in the sky to the beauty of the woods. And half-way through the sketchbook, that’s where it began. Lexa.

The first day she met her, Clarke saw the grumpy pissed off grounder girl side of Lexa. It was clear that she was a woman who commanded authority, her perfect posture, the tightness of her facial features; she was all discipline, which left a big impression. When she found her at the river, she saw another side of the mysterious girl.  She was a real beauty, a tough as nails beauty. And that’s the first time she sketched Lexa - the tattoo Lexa sported in her right arm.

She had drawn so many variations of her green eyes, and Clarke wasn’t satisfied because she couldn’t catch the real bittersweetness in them.

When Lexa took her to her shelter in the middle of the woods Clarke had tried to sleep, but the bed smelled of her. Of her shampoo and her skin and that made things difficult, she woke up in the middle of the night and found Lexa asleep in the wooden chair. She had taken some pages where Lexa told her to look for and draw. Lexa asleep was a work of art. Gorgeous and lethal.

This book was sacred, if someone else found it, they would ask why she has so many Lexa sketches. Clarke had to protect this book at all costs. She packed it in her bag and took out her pencils and other art supplies. She was going to have a blast drawing.

 

Clarke, after packing everything she needed, sat at her desk to finish some tat designs. She started to draw. Her clients were coming later that day and she promised to have their designs ready. She got a bit behind schedule, after what happened with Lexa last night.

Why was Clarke so mad that Lexa had gone to spend the night with another girl? It bothered her, but still, she let her go, she couldn’t stop her. There wasn’t a reason to hold her, was there?

So Clarke drowned her misery in more booze and her mother almost killed her for arriving in such a state last night.

 

Clarke traced lines, added depth and shadow, making sure that her work was going to be perfect. She had to prove she was more than good, that she was the best artist around. Clarke focused on every detail until she was satisfied. Clarke went to the washroom to wash her hands. She looked at her reflection - blue eyes, blonde hair, round face with and dimple chin. Yep, that was her. She slowly moved her eyes to her neck. Clarke sighed, the image of Lexa’s bruises came into mind. Clarke was her friend, was it normal to feel like this?

 

She headed out, to breathe some fresh air; her head was probably lacking oxygen and that’s why she thought precisely about that.

In her walk around Camp Jaha she met Octavia.

“Clarke, you going to ‘The Cave’ tonight?” Octavia rushed to Clarke’s side.

“No, I won’t be stopping in a club for a while. My mom got extremely pissed and I don’t want to deal with more shit.” Clarke closed her jacket, the breeze was pretty cold.

“Your loss, Clarke. But, you have to admit you had fun last night with your special friend, huh?” Octavia teased.

“O, seriously, you need to cut that shit. For fuck’s sake, you were making Lexa uncomfortable.”

“Me? Oh no Griffin that was totally you.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. Octavia didn’t get it. Clarke didn’t push the topic.

“Anyway, Lexa says that your bargain stands or whatever the hell you arranged with her.” Clarke said with a hint of annoyance.

Octavia jumped. “She did? Hell yes! And don’t get jealous Clarke, she’s all yours.” Octavia winked at Clarke, laughing and jumping in total happiness.

“I have to go back home, I’m going on a trip so talk to you later.” Clarke waved goodbye to Octavia and went back to her place. It was close to the meeting time and she didn’t want to be late.

 

When Clarke arrived home she found her mom discussing politics with her soon to be stepdad, Marcus Kane. After her father died on the Ark last year, her mom had worked hard to take care of them. Marcus was a good friend of the family and little by little he got close to her mom. Now they were dating.

“Clarke, there you are! I was asking Marcus if you had been sent to Tondc for medical assistance.” Abby greeted her daughter with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I was in the shop, mom.” Clarke sat on the table and poured herself some water from the pitcher.

“The Tondc police force will soon attack Mount Weather.” Marcus commented while he took a bite of his meal. “We’re going to get busy so we should totally take advantage of the peace we have right now. Maybe we should go camping?” Marcus proposed.

“Nah, sorry. You two should go nonetheless.” Clarke drank her glass in a hurry.

“Come on, Clarke. It might be nice, you know try to bond and have a good time.” Abby suggested, looking at her daughter tenderly.

“Mom, seriously. I’m not in the mood and we should—“

_KNOCK KNOCK!_

“Are we expecting someone else?” Abby asked Marcus and Clarke.

“Not me.” Marcus went to open the door. “Yes?”

“Chancellor, Dr. Griffin; sorry to interrupt. The Commander is here.”

Marcus looked at Abby quizzically, then back at the soldier. “Are you sure? I don’t think we made an appointment.”

“Not you, sir. Miss Griffin.”

“Thanks, I’ll be there in a sec.” Clarke lifted from the table and headed to her room to pick up her bags.

When Clarke came back to the living room Abby was up and blocking her path. “Excuse me. Where do you think you’re going?”

“Mom, relax. It’s just a small trip.”

Abby arched her brow and shook her head. “What? Are you out of your mind? That girl is dangerous, she is the leader of those. Those um…“

“Savages?” Clarke completed her mom’s thought. “Lexa is not like them. She’s different. And why do you care, mom? I’m not a girl anymore, you cannot control me.”

“Clarke, don’t be stupid. I don’t mind that you go and do nonsense with that clique of yours. But the head of the Tree people? That is something completely different. She has enemies, people who wants her dead. Why can’t you understand that?”

“I’ll be fine, mom, Jesus. I’ll call you, okay?” Clarke dropped a kiss on her mother’s cheek and walked past her and went to meet Lexa.

 

The gates of Camp Jaha opened, a couple of meters away from the front was Lexa, leaning on her bike.

“Hey, sorry for the delay. Family issues.” Clarke smiled apologetically.

“Are you ready?” Lexa lifted her weight off of the motorcycle. She took a helmet and offered it to Clarke.

Clarke took it and waited. Lexa was already taking her seat on the bike. Putting on her helmet and turning the machine on.

_VROOM VROOM!_

Lexa removed the sidestan of the bike with her boot and now she was ready.

“Hop on. Just rest your feet on the passenger peg.”

Clarke had never ridden a bike, and Lexa’s was a badass Suzuki Hayabusa. That thing was going to fly.

Lexa noticed Clarke’s hesitation. “You’re going to be fine, Clarke.”

Clarke sighed and took the spot right behind Lexa. She put on her helmet and secured her backpack’s strap on her waist.

“Hold me tight, okay?” Lexa spoke over her shoulder, Clarke nodded. She leaned forward and rested her hands on Lexa’s waist. But as soon as the cop lifted her feet from the ground, Clarke had to circle completely the young rider’s body. Holding Lexa very close to her or else she was going to fall.

 

The ride was fast; Lexa maneuvered that bike with ease and confidence. Clarke was holding her tightly, using the body heat of the brunette to fight the cold wind. The stars lit their way through the empty road. It was dark already and by the time Lexa reduced the speed, it was very late. Lexa turned the bike around the next curve, along the mountain pathway and headed onto a smaller road; it was bumpy and muddy but the bike moved steady along the pathway.

Lexa hit the brakes and killed the engine. She removed her helmet and shook her wild mane. “We’re here. Come.” Lexa dropped off of the bike and waited for Clarke.

Clarke followed Lexa to a small cabin at the far end of the forest. It was silent and only the lights from the cabin alerted them of human presence.

 

“This is a small motel, it is very old, and is used by many Polis citizens who travel to Tondc or who are heading to the City of Lights.” Lexa opened the door for Clarke.

“Well, you have to know this area to know this place is here. I’d be totally lost.” Clarke walked inside the wooden cabin. There was a woman at the counter who smiled and bowed politely to Lexa.

“ _Sachu, Heda?”_ [How are you, Commander?] The old woman asked.

“ _Ai ste kik raun. Mochof.”_ [I’m fine. Thank you.] Lexa smiled politely.

“ _Yu houmon?”_ [Your wife?] The woman pointed at Clarke. Lexa blushed and averted Clarke’s inquisitive gaze.

“ _No, no. Dison Klark kom Skaikru._ ” [No, no. This is Clarke from the Sky people.] Lexa seemed embarrassed but Clarke had no clue what was being said between the two women.

“Oh, a friend. Welcome.” The woman greeted Clarke.

“Hi. Thanks.”

“Here you go. Have a pleasant stay.” The woman offered a key to Clarke and winked at Lexa.

 

“Let’s go.” Lexa guided Clarke outside, back to the forest and walked narrow rocky roads that lead to another cabin with a balcony. Lexa opened the door for Clarke and let her in.

When Clarke got inside she marveled at the simplicity of the place. It was really cozy and had a home vibe. The lower floor had a small kitchen and living room and when she got upstairs there was the bedroom, with a king bed and a balcony.

“Sorry about the bed. This is the only room that has a great view that might be useful for your drawing purposes. I’ll take the couch.” Lexa dropped her small backpack in the corner of the room, she removed her red jacket and hung it behind the door. “The sunrise is beautiful, I promise. And tomorrow I’ll take you to the waterfalls.” Lexa took a blanket from the closet and a pillow.

“Lexa, the bed is big enough for both of us. You don’t have to sleep on the couch. Really.” Clarke dropped her bag over her side of the bed and took out another change of clothes. “Have you come here before?” Clarke sat on the bed and removed her boots.

“Yes. I have used this place when travelling to Polis and I, well... this is the last place where I stayed with Costia. I did a recog mission back then, around the forest not far from here and so I took her there.” Lexa walked to the balcony, looking into the infinity of the forest, with nostalgia. “I was going to propose to her at the waterfalls. I lost her that same night.”

 

Clarke felt so sad for Lexa, she joined the brunette in the balcony and rested her hand in her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine what you have gone through.”

“It’s okay, Clarke. It’s in the past. I promised you the most amazing place here in Tondc. This is it.”

“Thank you, Lexa.” That was all Clarke could say. She saw that sadness in Lexa’s eyes, she knew it hurt to be here and still, Lexa came for her. Lexa always looked strong, unbeatable, but Clarke could see behind the facade how hard this was for the commander.

“It’s late now. We should rest.” Lexa changed her clothes in the restroom while Clarke changed in the bedroom and when she came back she took the corner of the bed, as far away from Clarke as she could. “Sleep well, Clarke.”

“Yeah, you too.” Clarke put over the blanket and closed her eyes.

 

Clarke felt movement, she blinked and saw how dark it still was, and then, she heard the heavy breathing.

Clarke turned around and saw Lexa, sitting in the bed hugging her knees and keeping them close to her chest, she was agitated, drenched in sweat.

“Are you okay?” Clarke sat beside her.

“Sorry for waking you up, Clarke.” Lexa wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “I’m okay, it’s nothing.”

“Lexa.” Clarke said the name softly, begging her to trust her. Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers surprising the green eyed girl. “I’m right here, Lexa. You don’t need to be strong all the time, this is not about weakness, this is about trust.”  Clarke cared so much for her. Lexa had become someone important in her life. They shared an understanding that ran deep.

“I do trust you, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled, she knew how hard had to be for someone like Lexa to say that. The cop had serious trust issues but it was great that she had opened up a tiny bit for her.

“Good, because you deserve better. Hell, I deserve better.” Clarke joked trying to lighten the mood.

But Lexa was serious as usual, pensive, and the way she looked at her, was so… Clarke felt warmth in the pit of her stomach. Lexa’s eyes were so dark, her pupils dilated, looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. Or maybe like a predator stalking its prey right before attacking.

“Maybe we do.”

Lexa whispered and out of nowhere cupped her face and kissed her.


	10. Haunted

She couldn’t take this anymore, she wanted Clarke badly so she did for the first time what her heart asked her to do, and so, she kissed the blonde. She kissed her softly, hesitantly, since she had no idea what to expect from Clarke.

But then, Clarke got into it, and kissed her back with the same tenderness; exploring each other’s lips like a slow dance.  Like a fire burning gradually, the flames starting to come to life.

Lexa kissed her like she was made of glass, careful;  her other hand moved to Clarke’s waist, to get a better grip. She laid Clarke back into the mattress. Deepening the kiss, feeling those soft lips that she craved for so long, her hands running over the shirt that Clarke wore, feeling the heat that made her feel so alive.

_Hodnes laik kwelnes_

Lexa tried to focus back into what she was doing, but her thoughts were too strong to avoid.

_LEEEXAAAAAA!!!_

 

Lexa pulled away from Clarke, Costia’s scream of horror calling her name came into her mind. That was the last thing she heard from her and now kissing Clarke made her feel like she was betraying Costia’s memory. She had a nightmare a minute ago and kissing Clarke felt like medicine to her soul, nonetheless she felt guilt. _Weakness._

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I shouldn’t have—“

“Lexa, don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Clarke revealed.

“I need to go out for a walk, try to sleep.” Lexa jumped out of the bed, put on a jacket and went downstairs to drink some water. Trying to clear her thoughts and keeping away from Clarke.

Lexa knew she was messed up; war had done things to her. And she couldn’t put another person in danger. Anya was right, she had to get her shit together and soon, or else Clarke was going to end up hurt or worse, dead.

Lexa waited a couple of hours before going back into the bedroom. When she came back, Clarke was asleep again.

She laid on her side of the bed and tried to sleep, but that was going to be impossible. Because now that she knew how it felt to kiss the sky, she wouldn’t want to let it go. And that was dangerous.

 

The next morning things were back to normal, at least from Lexa’s perspective, Clarke was still the usual optimistic girl. Things weren’t awkward between them and that was a good sign. Especially after Lexa made a fool of herself last night.

Lexa dressed up with black jeans and a grey sleeveless shirt, and she wore a grey headband. She sat on the couch to put on her boots and stole glances at Clarke while she finished dressing. Clarke was always gorgeous, no matter what she wore.

Clarke wore today blue jeans and a thermal long sleeve shirt combined with a jacket. She was also putting on her boots before going out into the wilderness.

Clarke took her sketchpad and bag and moved to the balcony.

 

“This is beautiful.” Clarke observed the horizon, the first rays of light bathing the greenery of the forest, the chirping of birds resounding in the woods.

Lexa clenched her teeth. Those were the exact words Costia had said that night about the beauty of this place. Lexa joined Clarke in the balcony and looked at her. “Yes, it is.”

Clarke faced Lexa and blushed, clearly noticing that the brunette meant her, not the outstanding nature.

“Let’s go, Clarke.” Lexa stepped back away from Clarke and walked out of their cabin and into the forest.

 

Clarke followed Lexa along a small path, the vegetation was thick and it smelled moist. The wind was cold, but that didn’t bother the cop, she kept moving until they reached a clearing.

“Here we are.” Lexa showed the river flowing steady, and the small waterfall in the upper part of the mountain.

“Holy shit, this is amazing.” Clarke got closer to the stream of water, drinking with her sight the details and the colors. There were some shrubs following the edge of the river and the flowering plants that bloomed on the other side along the mountain pathway.

“We can stay here until you’re done.” Lexa started to walk. “I’ll go pick up wood to make a fire.”

“This is perfect.” Clarke was smiling and that was enough for Lexa.

 

Lexa remained seated with her legs crossed, spine erect in front of the bonfire. She had her eyes closed in meditation - breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Giving Clarke the space and focus she needed to draw whatever she wanted. And to seek peace in her mind.

Clarke was a distance away, seated on a rock that allowed her a good view of the panorama. Clarke drew page after page in her sketchbook using all her art supplies, enjoying the calm that the place offered. It was like a small sanctuary.

 

After a while, Clarke began using her charcoals to draw not nature but the girl who was seated like the commander she was. Chin up, perfect posture, and the best was that she was so still. Lexa could be the perfect model. Clarke was certain that many students in art school would pay to have Lexa modeling for them. She was lucky to have her, even when Lexa had no clue she was the muse that inspired her. Lexa was so interesting to draw because she was tough on the outside, emotionless and yet, her eyes had so much to tell. A girl who was filled with so much pain and sorrow, a girl who had endured so much and was strong, smart, compassionate and just.

A girl who made her realize several things:

1\. When Lexa kissed Clarke, she deduced that her feelings for the cop were real. And that scared the hell out of the sky princess, but deep down she was aware of how much Lexa meant to her.

2\. Last night things heated up and fast, Clarke saw a very wild desire in Lexa’s eyes, but the brunette was so sweet with her. It was a total contrast of her usual hard exterior. So now the question was, was Lexa holding back?

3\. Lexa was still haunted by Costia.

And Clarke was jealous of a dead woman.

 

Clarke smoothed the edge of Lexa’s lips with the tip of her finger, spreading more shadow under the chin. Clarke traced a couple more lines; she needed to trace the perfect jawline of the cop. Then her hair, that majestic hair with braids was something that deserved more of her attention. Her arms and that beautiful tribal tattoo. The designs were completely different if compared with the rest of her clan. Clarke wanted to know more about Lexa’s culture; she wanted to discover every aspect of that amazing girl.

Clarke kept working, focusing on every aspect of Lexa. It was funny how she felt inside. Clarke was confused, she liked Lexa, that was a fact, but could she love her? Lexa had shown so much passion last night. That made Clarke tingle on the inside, knowing that Lexa only allowed such ‘weakness’ in front of her. And if that wasn’t the biggest turn on, Clarke had no idea what it was. Lexa made herself vulnerable only around Clarke and she loved that about her.

But there was also darkness inside of her. Lexa couldn’t forgive herself for what happened to her lost love. The only way to heal those wounds was with love. Clarke knew it right the second she kissed Lexa; she felt it inside of her, Lexa was the one. It was stupid and kind of romantic in a way, though Clarke was not the romantic type. At all. However, Lexa did things to her. And she wanted to believe that she could be the one to help her heal.

 

Lexa opened her eyes; she clenched her jaw and hit her fist against the ground. Clarke stopped right away what she was doing.

“I wish this was easier.” Lexa stood up from the ground, and shook her pants to remove the dirt. “It is like an open wound. This place is all I have left of her…” Lexa looked into the sky, withholding tears that were threatening to slip. She was going to remain strong, that was who she was. Still, she trusted Clarke completely to share this pain with her because she could get it.

“Do you feel the same?” Lexa walked back to where Clarke was seated.

“I did, a while ago. I told you I blamed myself for what happened to Finn. I learned that I had to let him go. It was hard, but once I did I could forgive myself.” Clarke also stood up, took a step closer to Lexa. “Maybe you need to forgive yourself, Lexa. I know Costia still haunts you. You blame yourself, don’t you?”

Lexa held her stare, she didn’t answer but she didn’t back off either. She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Clarke was the kind of girl who went straight to the point.

“Let’s go back to Tondc, it’s getting late and there are wild animals roaming around.” Lexa turned on her heel and extinguished the bonfire.

Clarke didn’t push the topic either. Lexa was at a breaking point. Dealing with Costia’s memory and now with her feelings for Clarke. Lexa was battling her own demons.

 

 

Lexa ate quietly, not making much conversation with Anya. Her mind was still trapped in the events of the last two days. She had kissed Clarke Griffin and it was amazing. Also, she had reminded herself that it had been a moment of weakness. Costia was on her mind now more than ever, she had failed the girl she loved, and she couldn’t protect her. But Clarke? Clarke was her own person, she didn’t need a knight in shining armor. Clarke Griffin was her equal and was capable of taking care of herself, but she was also reckless and impulsive.

“You need to eat. Your mind is in chaos but your body still needs sustenance _._ There is nothing you could have done to protect Indra’s unit, but what you can do now is get your head back in the game.” Anya took a sip of her large coffee. Observing the girl she loved like a sister. “It’s because you like that damn girl, don’t you? The reason why you are so distracted and acting like a 16 year old.” Anya took a bite of her muffin. Checking the smallest movement or expression.

“I won’t discuss my personal matters with you, Anya.” Lexa stated dryly.

Anya smirked. “You are worse than I thought. You want her? Take her.”

Lexa looked at Anya confused. She was the first to warn her about engaging in a relationship with the Sky girl.

“I’m serious. Clarke is terrible for you but you want her. I want you to be happy, that’s all I want.” Anya gave Lexa a pat on her arm, like the ones she used to give her when she was a child under her training.

“But Costia…”

“Costia is dead.” Anya said coldly.

Lexa clenched her fist. “Because of me.”

Anya stood from the table abruptly. “Don’t give me that shit, Lexa. You know better than that. You’re our leader, we fight for you and we die for you. Costia knew that. She died well. Don’t dishonor her memory.”

Lexa nodded.

“ _Ai badan yu op en nou moun, Heda.”_ [I serve you and no other, Commander.]

“I know you’re loyal, just like Costia was. I will take my—“

“Commander?”

Lexa’s eyes brightened just seeing Clarke Griffin.

“Clarke.”

Anya sighed, she really disliked this disrespectful girl who came out of nowhere to interrupt her conversation, but it was so obvious that Lexa was happy to see her.

“Can we talk in private?” Clarke asked, eyes set on Lexa and and then on Anya, lips tight. Not a sign of fear of the commander’s unit leader. Anya held her stare too, warning the blonde to be very careful to what she said to her commander.

“Yes. Follow me.”

Lexa guided Clarke to her office and shut the door. It was time to set things straight.


	11. And the wolf stole the lion's heart

Clarke was working with her mother at the clinic, helping some cops that went on a raid last night. Thankfully Indra’s unit deactivated some bombs that apparently were going to be used in the war but at the cost of several injured.

Octavia was with Lincoln who got shot in the shoulder and Clarke was checking his vitals.

“This looks good. Thankfully the bullet just went through muscle. A couple of centimeters below and you wouldn’t be here.”

“Sonofabitch! I’m going to kill those bastards!” Octavia was a tiny ball full of rage, seated beside Lincoln.

“I’m okay, Octavia. I was wearing a vest.” Lincoln said reassuringly to his now girlfriend.

Clarke was not going to say she wasn’t surprised. Lincoln seemed like a very dangerous man she wouldn’t like to cross paths with and the fact that Octavia could reach his heart was evidence that the man also wanted to be loved. The fierce look in his eyes reminded her of Lexa’s. Both were warriors, carved of stone and pain. But here he was, smiling to Octavia like he had found his savior.

Clarke had to wonder if there was a chance for her and Lexa. The stubborn commander was set on closing her heart; she knew how bad Lexa wanted to avoid feeling things that made her ‘weak.’

“I know Linc, but maybe if you had more backup this wouldn’t have happened. I mean, where the hell was your commander two days ago?? What was so important for her to leave?”

Clarke had her eyes wide opened. _Shit._ Two days ago she went with Lexa to the waterfalls out of Tondc. She was the reason why Lexa wasn’t here.

_Shit shit shit_

“The Commander is a very busy woman. Indra is our unit leader and we followed her. No questions asked. She saw the opportunity and took it. This is how this is, Octavia.” Lincoln entangled his fingers with Octavia to keep her calm. “War is unpredictable.”

Clarke removed her gloves and tossed them inside the bin.

“I’ll leave you two now. He’s strong O. He’ll recover quickly.” Clarke smiled and left the two of them alone.

 

And now it made sense for Lexa to be how she is, not like Lincoln. Lexa had greater responsibilities and the fact that she wasn’t here because of Clarke, caused the blonde to feel guilt. But she couldn’t run away from what she knew she was feeling. She felt the connection when Lexa kissed her, she felt cared for and cherished. She couldn’t run away. She wasn’t going to run away.

“Mom, I’ll be at the police station, if you need me.” Clarke waved goodbye to her mother and got out quickly before she got questions about why she was going to the TPD.

 

Clarke was strolling through the block on her way to the Tondc Police Department HQ, when she caught Lexa with Anya. Anya intimidated her a tiny bit, but she couldn’t show weakness to the woman who taught Lexa to be the warrior she was today. Clarke crossed the street and interrupted the conversation.

“Commander?”

“Clarke.”

“Can we talk in private?” Clarke was sure to held Anya’s stare. She assumed that if the woman had the chance she would hit her with a rock or something.

“Yes. Follow me.”

 

Lexa took Clarke back to her office. Lexa looked distressed. The tension in her shoulders evident.

“What is it, Clarke? Did someone died?” Lexa kept her back to Clarke. Avoiding her gaze.

“Ah, no no. The injured are recovering fast. I’m not here for that.” Clarke walked closer, observing Lexa with care. “I uh, I want to talk about what happened with us.”

Lexa turned around and gulped down, facing Clarke with some apprehension.

“I’m not going to run anymore. I will face this… thing or whatever we have. So stop hiding Lexa. I know you care.” Clarke took a step closer, entering the personal space of the commander.

“I’m not hiding, Clarke.”

“BULLSHIT!” Clarke growled moving forward. “You’re hiding behind Costia’s memory and you can’t see what you already have!” Clarke had Lexa backed against her desk.

“Careful, Clarke.” Lexa warned.

Clarke moved one foot closer to the cop. Not wavering, her resolve of steel. If Lexa was stubborn, Clarke was more. “So, what are you going to do about it?” Clarke said low enough that Lexa barely caught what she just said. A threat, defiance, irreverence.

 

Lexa was eye to eye with Clarke, jaw clenched, she lowered her eyebrows, looking intently at Clarke. The blonde was playing with fire, and things could backfire any second now. However, the ball was in Lexa’s court. Clarke didn’t move an inch, it was Lexa’s choice.

Clarke could see how the cold stare softened, how her pupils dilated darkening the usual green in her eyes. She licked her lips and Clarke couldn’t avoid averting her eyes to her lips, then back up again.

Time seemed like an eternity, the seconds slowed down. Clarke could only convey with her eyes what she wanted. And she wanted Lexa. She could have never imagined that the annoying broody girl she met in that coffee shop was going to mean something more to her. That she was going to fill her days with laughter and happiness after her own loss. Clarke knew Lexa cared for her, but the cop was struggling with her own feelings and beliefs.

_TIC_

_TAC_

_TIC_

_TAC_

_TOC_

 

Lexa cupped Clarke’s face and kissed her, gentle as the last time, maybe waiting for Clarke to pull away from her, but Clarke kissed her deeper, pulling their bodies closer. Clarke’s tongue traced Lexa’s lips, tasting the chocolate of the half-eaten donut the cop left behind. Lexa pressed their bodies tighter, her hands snaking around Clark’s waist, kissing and tasting the princess from the sky.

Their lips parted briefly. Lexa and Clarke were breathing heavily, green eyes staring into blue, the commander’s forehead resting over Clarke’s. Clarke touched Lexa’s soft lips with her thumb; she wanted more. She needed more. Clarke kissed Lexa, this time wilder, desperate. With her free hand she threw all the items that were over the desk and pushed Lexa over the wooden furniture. Kissing her madly.

The fact that Lexa let Clarke set the pace of the encounter meant so much to the blonde. Lexa was clearly a very dominant woman, but with Clarke she made herself small, vulnerable. Because that was how Lexa showed her that she really did trust her.

Clarke straddled Lexa over the desk and pulled the nape of her neck to keep kissing her, it was like their lips couldn’t stand being apart for long. Lexa rested her eager hands over Clarke’s hips, anchoring the blonde to her.

The door to the office was opened suddenly. “Excuse me Commander, is Clarke he— SWEET JESUS!”

The girls split apart, Clarke almost fell to the floor. “Mom!?”

“OH MY GOD!” Abby closed the door faster than a lightning bolt, leaving the two girls embarrassed and alone.

 

“Shit.” Clarke mumbled.

“Is everything okay?” Lexa traced Clarke’s jaw. “I will speak with her, Clarke. I will show her that I mean no harm to you. That I am of worth.”

Clarke chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go talk to her.” Clarke dropped to the floor and walked to the exit. “Better go back to the clinic. By the way, I still owe you a dance lesson. Tomorrow night?”

Lexa remained seated at the edge of her desk, her green eyes were so dark, it was hard to distinguish the iris from the pupil. “I would love to invite you to dinner first.”

“Sure, it’s a date. Pick me up at 9?”

Lexa nodded and Clarke walked out of the office.

 

She noticed in the far corner Anya, who was leaning on the wall, arms crossed over her chest with a smug face. First she had to deal with her mother.

“Hey mom, what’s up?” Clarke greeted her mother who was pretty upset about what she just saw.

“Are you serious, Clarke? When do you intend to listen to me?” Abby seemed pretty mad about it.

“Oh come on, mom. It’s no big deal. Lexa is amazing and I—”

“I really don’t wanna hear the details, I need you to do some stitches at the clinic while I work with Jackson on a minor surgery.”

“Okay, got it.” Abby went ahead and Clarke followed but not before stopping in front of Anya.

“You bitch, you let my mom through!”

“I had no idea you were so… busy.” Anya smiled.

“Yeah? Well you can go to hell. You’re not keeping me away from Lexa.”

“Oh I don’t intend on doing anything. Lexa will realize her mistake soon enough.”

 

 

Clarke spent the rest of the day helping at the clinic, when she got home she was tired but also very excited. She couldn’t wait to see Lexa tomorrow night. Clarke had to admit to herself that this was beyond what she expected. Lexa was the most sweet commander badass bitch she had the pleasure to kiss and oh, it was so damn good.

“Clarke, I really want to make sure you’re thinking this through.” Abby commented, she cut her steak and took a bite.

“Mom, I’m grown up. I know what I want. And it would be nice if you were kind to Lexa. She’s not like you think she is.”

A knock on the door interrupted the mother-daughter conversation.

“Excuse me, Doctor. The Commander has sent a gift.” A guard announced.

Abby arched her brows. “What?”

“Yes, it’s outside. Where do we, um, put it?”

Abby stood from the table, followed by Clarke.

“What on earth?”

Clarke burst in laughter. “She’s so romantic.”

“A boar? What is wrong with this girl?”

“She’s providing food, mom. Proving herself as a hunter, a skilled one that is. Grounders have their own customs. Put it on the storage. We’ll have boar for lunch tomorrow.”

“They are savages, Clarke. We’re cooperating with them but they are cold-blooded killers. You have seen them, that girl is extremely dangerous. I’m just worried for you.” Abby closed the door and sat again to finish her dinner.

Clarke remained silent. Her mother had a point, though. They were lethal warriors and Lexa was the most dangerous of them all. She could kill a man with her bare hands, and yet, the tenderness of her kiss, her soft hands holding her. There was more to Lexa than met the eye. And Clarke wanted to discover every single aspect of her grounder girl.

 

 

“So, which one.” Clarke put on again the sky-blue top and then the black top.

“The black is cute, I mean if the goal is, you know, get a kiss goodnight.” Raven pointed out, and then added, “but if you really wanna impress your commander, the sky-blue has a very nice cleavage. That one will get you laid.”

“Raven, this is serious!” Clarke looked at her reflection in the mirror once more, trying again the two outfits.

“I am serious! The black looks very nice if you, let’s say, go out with us to the club or something.” Raven stood up from Clarke’s bed and went to look into her closet. “Here, this jacket will make you look fancy and sexy and with the jeans and boots you’ll be set. Your commander heart eyes won’t stand a chance.”

Clarke took the ensemble and tried it on. Then she looked at her reflection again. “Looks nice.”

Raven whistled. “If I wasn’t in a relationship I would totally do you. That outfit brings out the color of your eyes.”

“Okay thanks for letting me know, Raven. This is it then.” Clarke breathed deeply.

“Hey, relax.” Raven stood behind Clarke. “You look great.”

“I really like her, Raven. I really do.” Clarke fixed her top to make sure it looked good. “Lexa is a hardass, and I don’t know if this is going to work or not but, I hope I can reach her.”

“Hey, I’ve seen that puppy look she gives you, trust me. You’ll get to her.” Raven gave a kiss on the cheek to her bestie and let her go to meet her date.

 

As habitual, Lexa was out of Camp Jaha on her bike waiting patiently. She was wearing a leather jacket that looked too damn good on her. Her black pants were torn around the knees, which gave her a rebellious look.

“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting.”

“It’s alri…Clarke.” Lexa eyed her head to toe. Her lips parted slightly. She blinked again trying to get back to earth. “I mean you, um, let’s go.” Lexa handed her the helmet and sat on the bike, waiting for Clarke to take her spot. When Clarke was ready the two departed to their dinner.

 

Dinner had been fun. Lexa knew so much about politics, warfare and weapons, but talked to her about silly things like board games and the conversation would turn into the funniest thing ever.

“What? If I land on the ‘go to jail’ space, I have to pay the fine or roll doubles on the dice?”  Lexa was thinking deeply about monopoly and that made Clarke giggle.

“Yeah, but don’t worry. I can visit you, if I land in the jail space and you’re there.”

“You would? I want to play this game.” Lexa said with interest.

“Not today. We have a dance lesson tonight.” Clarke stood up from the table and entangled her hand with Lexa. “Club?”

“I uh, I’m not ready. I can’t look like a total fool in front of my people either, Clarke.”

“Alright. Where do you want to go, Commander?”

“Can we go to my place?”

“Okay, sounds good.”

 

Lexa drove them fast, her motorbike running smoothly through the streets of Tondc. It was a starry night and the wind wasn’t as chilly, or maybe it was that Lexa’s warmth helped Clarke keep protected against the wind.

Lexa parked her bike in an elegant building. Lexa took her to the elevator and stopped at the upper floor.

_PING!_

“ _Mounin houme, Heda.”_ [Welcome back, Commander.] Gustus, Lexa’s bodyguard was outside, waiting at the front door.

“ _Gon we, Gostos.”_ [Leave, Gustus.] Lexa instructed.

Gustus remained in his post, looking at Clarke with mistrust.

“ _Gostos, Klark na tich ai op.”_ [Gustus, Clarke will teach me.]

Gustus nodded and departed; not without giving a warning glance to Clarke.

“Damn, you guys don’t trust anyone, huh?” Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers again. It felt good to hold her hand.

“Sorry. They care about my safety, but they trust my judgment. You don’t need to worry. You’re safe.” Lexa walked and opened the door to her loft.

Her apartment was pretty nice. With windows that allowed the most amazing view to the Tondc landscape. A kitchen that was very well organized, a studio on the south side of the apartment and the bedroom to the right.

“Nice place.” Clarke took a good look around the home of the cop.

Lexa approached Clarke. “Please.” She removed Clarke’s jacket and hung it in a closet. “Make yourself comfortable.” Lexa removed her own jacket revealing her bare arms and that gorgeous tattoo that Clarke liked so much.

“Anyway, what kind of games you play? I get you’re not into board games, but there had to be something you people from the ground like?” Clarke paced through the living room, checking the book collection of Lexa. All strategy and war related.

“When kids, we used to play hide and seek. And we’d play with wooden swords. Collect flowers and make flower crowns. But that ends very early, we’re a warrior clan and we’re at war, we start practicing when we are very young.” Lexa told. She followed Clarke with curiosity.

“That sounds very sad.”

“In times of peace I can assure you it’s different. But for now we need to teach our generations to be able to defend themselves.”

“Right. Then let’s hope you can bring peace and soon, Commander.” Clarke teased. She plugged her music player into the sound system and pushed play.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

 

Clarke turned on the music. The beat started to play. Clarke started to sway her hips slowly, left and right, left and right. She turned around and swirled then she walked towards Lexa, she took both her hands and rested them on her hips.

Lexa’s eyes were glued to her body, like two magnets attracted to its opposite pole.

“Come on! Just go with the flow.”

“This is ridiculous. I don’t think I can.”

“That’s the problem, Commander. Don’t think. Feel it in your bones.”

Lexa was stiff, and very nervous, but her eyes never left Clarke’s. She followed the lead of the blonde, trying to keep the pace. Clarke smiled seeing the effort of the serious, all business girl.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry!”

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Keep moving.”

Clarke took a step back and danced in front of Lexa. Moving her hands all over her body. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. Repeat.”

Lexa looked at her feet trying to move them at the pace Clarke was instructing.

 

“Okay let’s try something slow this time. Eyes up, your feet aren’t going anywhere. Look at me.” Clarke changed the playlist and put on some slow songs. “Alright. Hands here.” Clarke moved Lexa’s hand to her waist and back. Clarke rested her hands over Lexa’s shoulders.

“Now just follow me.” Clarke tipped Lexa’s chin up to have her look at her.

Lexa gulped down the huge knot she had. Her eyes looked so big, staring into Clarke.

“That’s good.” Clarke got closer, body to body, moving like one. The two girls swayed slowly one side to the other. Clarke could almost feel her heart imploding; it was beating so hard, she was nervous that Lexa might hear. And in that moment Clarke knew for sure this was meant to be.

Lexa leaned in and kissed her, still moving to the rhythm of the song. Clarke circled Lexa’s neck, pulling the brunette to her. Kissing her with the same passion. Lexa moved to her neck, making Clarke groan, she leaned her head back to give more access to Lexa. Hands moved over clothes with eagerness, desire spreading faster, lust emanating from their pores.

Lexa returned her attention to Clarke’s lips, kissing her like soft velvet, like a caress of the wind. And Clarke was so fascinated by this, by everything Lexa did. But things were going to start spiraling soon into a wild night and she wasn’t ready for that.

Clarke pulled away from the kiss. “Wait.”

Lexa stepped back immediately. Making sure that she didn’t do anything to mess up this or offend Clarke.

“I better go. It’s pretty late.”

“You don’t have to leave, Clarke.” Lexa pleaded. Her soft voice, like a small child begging her to stay. “I  won’t do anything you don’t want.”

“I know. Let’s take one step at a time.” Clarke walked toward Lexa and gave her a kiss on her cheek, then on her lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lexa nodded. She handed Clarke’s jacket again and walked her out of her loft to the lobby of the building.

“Gustus will escort you back safely.” Lexa looked at Gustus making sure he was clear with his orders. “Tell Anya I am summoning her.”

 _“Sha, Heda.”_ [Yes, Commander.] Gustus followed Clarke out of the building back to her home.

 

Clarke was feeling butterflies all over her stomach, desire running through her veins. She wanted Lexa, but it was better to take it easy. Jumping into bed with her could mean falling worse into this madness. And Clarke was right near the precipice. She was about to fall into the pits of falling in love with that girl.

They’ve known each other for how long? A month? It was ridiculous but it was happening. Clarke had to make a choice, to give her heart to the warrior who proclaimed love was weakness or stay and show her that love was strength.

 

Clarke rolled on her bed, and flicked the lights on. She sat on her bed; knees closed to her chest and rested her right hand over her heart. She chuckled. Thinking about Lexa made her heart increase its rate.

“I’m so screwed.”

Clarke knew it was too late, the commander already had her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those of you who have made it this far. Your comments and feedback are always appreciated. If you are liking the thing please make sure to spread the word. This story is in it's final stages so next week will be the last week of updates. You can expect the remaining chapters Mon/Wed/Fri/Sun
> 
> For more updates follow me at commanderlexaofthegrounders.tumblr.com
> 
> Thanks.


	12. My sacrifice pt. I

“This is unacceptable!” Anya protested hitting the table.

“ _Yu badan ai, Anya; en daun laik daun!”_ [You serve me, Anya; and that’s that!] Lexa reminded Anya who was in charge here.

Anya clenched her fists but bowed nonetheless.

“Anya, I wouldn’t trust this to anyone but you.” Lexa walked to where her friend and former mentor was standing. “ _Ai sonraun laik em sonraun.”_ [My life is her life.]

Anya eyed Lexa, with a bit of surprise. “Are you serious about this? She’s not one of us.”

“I am. Clarke will be treated with the same respect as me. And you will make sure she is protected as if she were me. That’s all.”

Anya bowed and went to fulfill her duty as protector of Clarke Griffin under the commander’s orders.

 

Lexa had to deal in the past days with several menaces and she had been busier than ever. Still, she made time to see Clarke. It was like in the past days Clarke had taken control of her life. It was like she wasn’t her anymore.

Lexa was so smitten by the blonde that her need to see her was surpassing her responsibilities to her people. Lexa knew she was in trouble if this kept going like this.

Every time she met her, they would kiss and talk and lace their fingers and caress each other.  Just being together. Lexa would look at Clarke like she was seeing her whole world and drown in her beautiful blue eyes and melt in her lips. Lexa would tell her tales of her people and share insight of her culture. Lexa was in a haze. She couldn’t believe that she could feel this strong about someone after Costia, but Clarke has changed her.

 

“No no, you need to pronounce it with a heavier accent.” Lexa instructed.

“ _Ai laik Klark kom Skaikru._ ” Clarke repeated again and she was rewarded with those tiny smiles Lexa gave only to her.

“ _Daun nou ste foto, Klark_.” [That’s not bad, Clarke.]

“You’re a very strict teacher though.” Clarke leaned on Lexa and kissed her jawline. Lexa had been teaching Trigedasleng for several days now to Clarke.

“Teaching is a serious matter, Clarke.”

“Yeah, you’re so serious all the time.” Clarke grinned. “And that’s why I insist that I really don’t need to be followed by your grunts. And Anya really hates me. I don’t want to be a burden to her.”

Lexa sighed. “We talked about this, Clarke. I need you to be safe. We’re at war. Anya will do as I say. And she will get along with you in no time. She is an incredible woman, a person I respect and trust.” Lexa brought Clarke between her arms and hugged her. “I know you are capable of taking care of yourself.  It’s just for my peace of mind.”

“Okay, fine. Whatever the commander wishes.” Clarke kissed Lexa, cupping her face softly, kissing the corner of her lip, and then she kissed her deeply. Her tongue moving slowly. Lexa growled slowly and kissed back with intensity, Clarke bit Lexa’s lower lip and then sucked it, driving crazy the woman below her. Lexa’s hands lifted Clarke’s shirt, tracing her hot skin with her calloused hands. Lexa moved to the neck, sucking and nipping, making Clarke whimper in pleasure.

 _“HEDA!”_ Anya was out of breath when she arrived; she tore inside the tent where Clarke and Lexa were hanging out.

“ _Anya, haukom yu kamp raun hir?”_ [Anya, why are you here?] Lexa stood up, hand immediately over the hilt of her sword.

“ _Maunon.” [Mountain Men.]_

 _“_ I have to deal with this, Clarke. Stay with Anya.” Lexa ran out of the tent and back to headquarters.

 

The latest intel they had was that the people from Mount Weather shot missiles into a nearby camp. Killing several of her people.

“We will raid their compound to the east. Full force. Indra, you will take the north side. I will take the south with Chancellor Kane’s task force. We will surround them and they will be dead before dawn. Is that clear?”

Indra nodded.

“Gustus, take our team and prepare them to leave. We will attack by nightfall.”

Lexa had given her orders and her team was ready to fight. Lexa needed to focus but there was a part of her that wanted to remain with Clarke. Lexa scolded herself mentally and got back to her task. Clarke was going to be needed to heal the injured.

Tonight blood was going to be spilled.

 

Lexa was in the HQ, sheathing her sword in her scabbard. Her war paint on her face, eyes cold, ready to go to the front of the battle and avenge her people. She had her armor already set, she clipped her shoulder plates and sheathed her knife in her leg holster and another in her belt.

“We’re ready.”

Lexa nodded and moved to meet all the men and women under her command.

 _“Osir ogud?”_ [Are we ready?] Lexa asked.

 _“Sha, Heda.”_ [Yes, Commander.] Gustus affirmed.

“ _Gona kom Tondisi. Kom wor!”_ [Warriors from Tondc. To war!] Lexa raised her fist into the night sky and the screams of the people who were ready to fight and ready to die were feeding her determination to end this once and for all.

Lexa stopped and met Anya right before she left for the battlefield.

“ _Anya, shil op Klark. Beja.”_ [Anya, protect Clarke. Please.] Lexa rested her hand on her mentor’s arm as a sign of trust and respect.

“ _Ai na shil em op. Gyon au, Heda.”_ [I will protect her. Go, Commander.] Anya nodded and with that Lexa headed to the Mount Weather.

 

 

It was eerily silent. The sound of frogs, cicadas and night owls was the only thing that could be heard.

Lexa was behind a trunk observing beside Gustus.

“This is too silent. I don’t like this.” Lexa peeked again with the spyglass, observing the main door of the enemy compound.

Lexa checked her watch; it was almost time to begin the raid. At 12:01am the operation was going to begin.

“Set the explosives and get ready.” Lexa instructed one of the Sky people’s soldiers.

Five more minutes and hell was going to break loose. Lexa closed her eyes for one minute, gathering courage, ready to fight and die for her cause. However, she couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke sitting in her lap, of blonde curls entangled in her fingers, of soft lips moving along her neck.

Lexa sighed, she had never being afraid of death, she was used to the idea of death. But now that she was with Clarke, she really wanted to keep living. To go back to her arms, to go back home.

 

Lexa opened her eyes again, this was not how she should be focusing on the battle ahead of her. She pushed all thoughts of Clarke to the back of her mind and checked her watch.

5

4

3

2

1

 _“Masta ai op!”_ [Follow me!]

The metal doors blew up breaking the silence of the forest, immediately two rows of armed men and women moved quickly through it. Lexa was the first to go, leading like she was taught to do. Always at the top of the pack.

It took them less than a minute to encounter enemy fire.

Lexa hid behind a wall to avoid being shot. She peeked around the corner and took out the knife from her holster. In one swift movement she threw the knife and killed the shooter. Immediately the archers fired and killed the other man.

Lexa kept moving along the halls of the building when they reached a fork in the path. They split in two groups, never slowing their pace.

 

Lexa reached an underground facility. It was dark.

“ _Soncha nau!”_ [Light now!] Lexa requested, immediately some torches were lit and with the low light they could get, kept moving.

They moved steady when several screams approached them and fast.

“ _Ripa!”_ [Reapers!] Lexa unsheathed her sword and ran to meet two men who were the double of the size of her.

One slashed at her and she blocked the attack, she round kicked him, from behind an arrow flew and hit her in the leg.

Gustus took care of the shooter while Lexa kept fighting, she sparred the reaper attacks, and with her sword she slashed him in the gut, and kept moving. Adrenaline pushing her to the limits and keeping the pain in her throbbing leg at bay.

When she got the kill, Lexa broke the arrow that she had in her leg and pulled from the tip to take it out.

 

The fight was wearing on them; Lexa was splashed with the blood of her enemies and bleeding from several injuries. The deeper they moved  into the caves, the more reapers attacked.

“This is endless!” Quint commented.

“We have to keep moving!” Lexa pushed her men to keep fighting.

Far away more shots were heard.

Lexa fought another round of reapers. One slashed at her with his axe, she blocked and ducked under to slash at him. Another attack from her side cut her ribs superficially.

Lexa grunted in pain and kicked with her good leg at the man. She had to move faster, or else these two were going to kill her and it was going to be ugly.

She slid between the legs of one of the men while he was running at her and made the kill from behind. She turned around but it was too late, the reaper extended his machete and she knew she was going to get stabbed.  However she got pushed out of the way and another took the hit for her.

 

“GUSTUS!” Lexa cried.

The huge bearded man who had been nothing but a friend and confidant to her fell to his knees.

Lexa unsheathed her knife and jumped at the reaper slicing his throat. Then she leaned near Gustus who was drowning in his own blood.

 _“Ste yuj.”_ [Be strong.] He gargled.

Lexa nodded, her eyesight got a bit blurry and she blinked quickly. She wasn’t going to shed tears; that was weakness, hell no, she wasn’t going to do that. She clenched her jaw and rested her hand over his.

“ _Yu gonplei ste odon.”_ [Your fight is over.]

And then, Gustus took his last breath.

Lexa closed his eyes and moved on.

 

They reached a set of stairs, Lexa has lost at least 35% of her force but they had cleared the entire pathway until this part of the compound. She went upstairs, drops of blood falling to the tiled floor while she walked. Lexa was in pain but it was her heart that was screaming and not so much her worn body.

The hall was empty, metal doors were found along the way, and they broke them one by one.

It seemed they reached the command center of the compound, but it was empty.

“They must have escaped, Commander.” Major Byrne from the Ark said.

“Look for clues, this is not like them. Any news about Indra?” Lexa looked around the office with glass doors. There was a huge desk and Lexa took a peek at the papers scattered around.

“Indra’s unit reached the upper floors killing all resistance and subduing the ones who surrendered.” Another of her unit reported back.

“Something is way wrong in here.” Lexa was having one of those moments where her gut was telling her to pay attention. They got in the compound rather easily. They met resistance, but mostly from reapers and not Mountain Men. She checked her watch. Her team had been in this compound for almost one hour. The fighting delaying them until they could reach the command center of their enemy.

 

Lexa should have already killed Dante Wallace, leader of the people from Mount Weather, but he was nowhere to be found.

“We wasted our time here.” Luna, from the Boat people’s tribe and allied of the Woods clan pointed out.

Lexa was disappointed, if there was something she wanted to accomplish today, it was to end this fight with their enemy.

“ _Heda!”_ One fighter came quickly to Lexa’s side and gave her a package.

Lexa opened the envelope to find pictures of her and Clarke. A red circle was around each of their heads.

“No.” Lexa suddenly knew what was really going on.

“This is a trap, they were never here. They were waiting for us to get out of Tondc!”

_Clarke_

She couldn’t say her name out loud, but that was the first thing that came into her mind. Not the rest of the innocent people left in the city at the mercy of her enemies, her people. She was here and Clarke was now in danger, because of her. That was what worried her the most.

 _“Teik oso raunes laud!”_ [Sound the retreat!] Lexa ordered.

At that, her men immediately started to retreat, helping the injured and taking the bodies of their fellow warriors to give them a proper burial once the enemy was gone.

Lexa was filled with anxiety, something that had never happened to her. She had never been worried for anyone before, at least, not like this.

She needed to keep her cool but Clarke was in peril and she’d have returned to get to Clarke in a second but she needed to focus on getting back to her people first and make sure they were safe, not Clarke.

Anya was right. This had been a mistake. Clarke was never going to be one of them. She was going to make sure Clarke was okay and then she was going to let her go. A world where she could choose Clarke over her people didn’t exist.

Clarke had made her weak. Clarke had made her feel things that she’s not supposed to feel. Clarke had become someone she loved, but couldn’t.

Not anymore.

Lexa had to kill her love for Clarke.


	13. My sacrifice pt. II

The clock was moving slowly, or at least that’s how Clarke perceived its movement.

She had been at the clinic waiting for any kind of news about the task force going into Mount Weather. And the wait was killing her, she wanted to know if Lexa was okay, if the brave warrior had been hurt. Clarke was worried and with reason. The girl she loved was risking her life, again, to keep this place safe. She had never seen such a devoted cop like Lexa. Not even in the Ark. War was complicated and usually involved lots of sacrifices to pursue peace. Clarke could only hope that in this case Lexa wasn’t the sacrifice.

 

Clarke started pacing again in the small room. The medical equipment was ready to be used as soon as the police force came back. Clarke was edgy and she was desperate to do something else. She couldn’t sit on her ass while Lexa fought.

The blonde picked up her backpack and was ready to go to the battlefield where she could be of more use when her nanny stopped her.

“And where the hell do you think you’re going?” Anya asked.

“I didn’t ask for this, Anya. I know you’re tired of being stuck with me, trust me. The feeling is mutual. You can take your things and go, so let me be.” Clarke tried to push past Anya, who was practically a wall.

“I assured my commander that I would watch over you. I follow her orders, not yours. If I could I would be fighting, I really would, but orders are orders.” Anya sounded pretty annoyed.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Anya, seriously. Why the fuck do you hate me so much? I have done nothing to you. What is your damn problem!?”

“You’re the problem. I have no idea what my commander sees in you, but you’re not enough for her.”

“Really? And why are you so quick to judge. You don’t know me.”

Anya was dead serious; she disliked Clarke with a fierce passion. “You are a distraction, nothing more, Sky girl. Lexa needs someone who can be her equal, who can understand her and be there for her.”

Clarke took a step closer. “Someone like Costia? Because last I heard she died.” Another step, taking her just feet away from the taller woman. “I care for her, Anya. And I could care less what you think of me, so get out of my way.” Clarke’s voice had become a low growl, like a lion ready to attack. She took out a gun from behind her back and pulled the clip, still piercing Anya with her gaze.

Anya chuckled. “Sky girl has some ovaries, I see. You want to go, fine. I won’t stop you, but I’m stuck with you.” Anya moved away and took her weapon and followed Clarke.

 

Clarke started to move to the forest edge since she was basically escaping the clinic. If her mother knew what she was doing, she was going to really put her under lock and throw the key away.

It was close to midnight, the operation was going to begin in a couple of minutes and Clarke had to take some kind of transportation if she wanted to be on time to help.

She was tired of being left behind. She needed to help and even if her mother didn’t approve it; she was going to be right at the front, side by side with Lexa and prove to this grounder bitch and everyone else that she could take care of herself.

 

They went into the forest, sneaking through the thick woods to get to the transportation building and take a jeep or something that they could use to get to their destination.

“Since how long have you known Lexa?” Clarke asked out of nowhere after trying to make some light conversation with the cop.

Anya simply looked at her like she wanted to stretch the silence a bit longer.

“I know you trained her.”

Anya shook her head in defeat. “You’re not going to shut up, aren’t you?”

“Not really.”

“I met her when she was just a child. After her parents died honorably in the line of duty I took her under my wing. She is like a sister to me.”

A small smile appeared on Clarke’s face, just imagining little Lexa with a teen Anya trying to teach her.

“Was she as serious as she is now?”

“The commander understood she had been chosen to lead, being in charge of the whole police force is not an easy task. She took it seriously.”

 

The two women kept talking while on their way to the garage. Clarke was fascinated by how much Anya had help to form the woman she met in that coffee shop. A warrior with a strong sense of duty, justice and a huge love for her people. No wonder they followed her without question.

“She grew up too fast, but she needed to be ready. She had gone through a lot.”

Clarke felt sad, Lexa had no childhood, she had been immersed in a world full of responsibilities too young and she had to grow up fast. Lexa deserved to be cherished and loved.

“You make her smile. It has been a while since I last saw her acting like an idiot. I might not approve of you, Clarke, but you make her happy.” Anya conceded.

“I love her.”

It was the first time she admitted this to anyone. Weird that she let Anya know. Maybe it was a way to thank the honesty of the woman.

“Then you should—“

_CRACK!_

“Get down!” Anya pulled Clarke down, behind a bush, the sounds of twigs and leaves being stepped down alerted the officer of another foreign presence.

“What is it?”

“Shh.” Anya peeked through the bush trying to spot where the steps were coming from. “Someone else is around.” Anya whispered and her hand moved immediately to the hilt of her sword.

 

Anya crawled to a thicker area where the light could not reach properly the woods. Clarke followed, moving behind and observing her surroundings.

“What the hell?” Clarke looked behind the tree where she was hidden, men in military uniform, heavily armed walking towards Tondc.

“Down!” Anya pulled Clarke behind the trunk again. “This is weird. They should be in their compound.” Anya analyzed the current situation in which they were at the moment.

“We need to alert everyone.” Clarke suggested. But Anya shook her head.

“We won’t make it out of here alive; we need to try to stop them. Just regular cops are defending the city; the only task force left is mine. We are outnumbered.”

Clarke was worried that something had gone wrong at Mount Weather. But right now her main focus should be keeping the inhabitants safe.

“Let’s blow up some cars. That would get the citizens’ attention and delay the soldiers.” Clarke lifted up from her place but was pulled again by Anya.

“Don’t be stupid. You need camouflage first. Put this on.” Anya handed her a black jacket. “I will get their attention, you run and blow that garage. Understand?”

 

Clarke started to crawl in the opposite direction of Anya. The garage was still a distance away but the soldiers were going pass it any minute. Clarke moved slowly trying to be as quiet as possible. Using the shadows that the trees offered and keeping her ass away from the flashlights and streetlights.

She couldn’t see Anya. The woman was like a ghost, moving stealthily and cornering soldiers one by one, killing them silently while Clarke kept the pace.

And then there were the first gunshots.

_RATATATATATATATA!!!_

 

Clarke started to run to the garage, she was just meters away while Anya got all the attention. However Clarke found herself in trouble when she met two soldiers.

“Hey! Over there!”

“Shit!”

Clarke hid behind a trashcan and pulled out her gun, she made sure the safety was off.

“Come on, put your hands where I can see them.” One of the soldiers ordered.

Clarke found a rock and took it, she needed to distract the soldier while she ran to the garage.

Clarke took deep breaths and paid attention to the sound of the heavy boots moving through the grass. Suddenly Clarke came out of hiding and threw the rock hitting one of the guards and shot, her aim was not as good but at least the man ducked for cover and she ran. Clarke made a mental note to practice at the shooting range more.

PEW PEW!

“Hey don’t shoot, the blonde must be delivered alive!” One of the men shouted to his partner.

 

“What?” Clarke kept running until she reached the garage door and closed it. She pushed some boxes and several items behind to keep it sealed.

Clarke was breathing heavily, not quite getting what they meant.

“They came here for me?” Clarke couldn’t believe this was happening but she couldn’t stop and think about this situation, she had to blow the police vehicles parked in here.

Clarke opened the gas tanks of each car and with a piece of cloth she found in one of the toolboxes, she put one on each tank moistening them with the gasoline, however, she was not going to have much time to run if she just lighted this. Clarke moved to the back of the garage where she found some oil and made a trail with it until it reached the cars.

_BAM BAM BAM_

The men were kicking the door trying to bring it down.

Clarke looked around for another exit and saw a window that she could reach. She moved a box to propel herself up and right before she left she shot the concrete to create a spark.

_BANG BANG!_

The fire ignited the oil, following the path that Clarke traced; she didn’t wait any longer and jumped off the window. She ran without looking back.

_KABOOM!_

 

With the huge explosion at least now people from Tondc were warned that something was off. Clarke kept running back to the city when another set of soldiers stopped her mid track.

“STOP!”

Clarke was surrounded.

She raised her hands in the air, eyeing each of the men, trying to find an opportunity to escape.

“Restrain her!”

“Hey, back off.” Clarke kicked and struggled with one of the soldiers.  He removed her gun and hit her. Clarke fell on the floor, but she wasn’t going to make it easy for them to take her.

She fought hard, two men had to come and hold her.

 

“What do you want!?” Clarke tried to get away from the hold pulling with all her might, but all was in vain.

“Now take her to the President.”

“President? You’re nothing more than terrorists!” Clarke spat.

The two men holding Clarke put a gun behind her head, forcing her to walk. Her lip was busted and her eyebrow was bleeding, but Clarke was okay for now. At least they wanted her alive.

The men walked no more than 5 meters when one of them fell. Knife stuck in his skull. Clarke took the chance to slip away; she elbowed one of her captors.

“RUN!” Anya screamed. The cop came full force, wielding two swords and cutting limbs and moving with such fluid movements, like a hurricane destroying everything on its path. Screams of agony, blood splashing around like it was spray, men falling on the wet bloody grass, the gruesome scene was the most violent Clarke had ever witnessed.

 _Savages_ , her mother had said.

And then, there was Lexa. With her tiny smile; looking at her like if she was Gollum after the ring. Well, not that creepy but still, you get the idea.

Clarke was not going to run and leave Anya to fend for herself, she was Lexa’s family, and Clarke wasn’t going to leave her behind. She picked up one of the guns dropped by a very dead soldier.

“We gotta go back, come on!” Clarke picked up another gun to replace the one she used and put it in the waistband of her jeans.

The two started to run, there were shots being fired from all directions. Clarke ducked and crossed the street closer to the exit of the woods. Anya followed when more shots came their way.

“Ugh!”

Clarke was running when she turned around to check what happened. “Anya!” Clarke crawled through the concrete avoiding any bullet until she reached Anya. “Hey, I got you.” Anya had been hit; she was bleeding from her stomach. “Press hard, Anya. I’ll help you get into the clinic.”

Clarke pulled the taller woman and held her. “Stay with me!” Clarke started to walk back to the clinic. The shots had intensified and it was total madness. Shots everywhere, and it was hard to know if they were friend or foe. Clarke kept walking as fast as she could, but Anya was getting heavier. “Stay awake!”

Some shots hit the concrete walls near Clarke, with effort she pulled out her gun and took some shots, trying to keep her shooters at bay.

 

“Clarke!!!” That was her mother’s voice, Clarke recognized it from the distance. She peeked through the next set of buildings where she saw Abby.

“Mom, I need help! Anya is wounded!!” Clarke screamed. However, Anya started to slip away. Clarke helped to set Anya on the concrete floor. And took a look at the wound, lifting her shirt.

“Shit!”

“You fought… well, Clarke of the Sky peop— _cough cough.”_

 _“_ No, hell no. You’re not dying on me. Lexa needs you!” Clarke pressed the wound.

“No, Lexa is strong… a survivor.”

“Anya, please help is on the way.” Clarke begged to anyone and no one.

“Costia, she loved the child. Clarke, can you…love…the woman?”

Clarke nodded, more bullets flew over her head and she had to duck covering Anya’s body.

_“Ai gonplei ste odon.”_

“No no no! Goddammit!” Clarke tried to help Anya but she had bled to death. She couldn’t do anything for the woman who saved her life.

“Clarke!” Abby came finally to her aid with the first aid kit. A little bit too late.

“We gotta go, Clarke. She’s gone!” Abby took her daughter with her and started to shoot while Jackson gave her cover.

 

Back at the clinic there were several injured. And the doctors were shooting the bullets.

“What the hell is going on? I thought that the task force took care of this people.” Abby commented while barricading the door.

“I don’t know, mom. We saw them through the forest. Anya helped me and now…” Clarke pushed a table behind a window to offer more cover. “We need to hold them while the task force comes back, mom.”

“But what if they’re dead, Clarke and this is the retaliation of the people from Mount Weather?” Abby started to move around to organize the clinic.

“No, they are coming back. She’s coming back.” Clarke had to trust that Lexa was going to come and help them.

 

They had been holding the soldiers for almost an hour, but they didn’t have any more bullets left. People needed medical attention and they were short on supplies. The task force of Anya had been reduced to half.

Clarke had been helping her mother as much as she could but time was against them. They were tired and in need of help.

“Come out, Clarke Griffin. Surrender and we’ll leave this place alone.” One man demanded.

Abby looked at Clarke with a worrisome expression. “What is going on Clarke! Why they want you?”

Clarke didn’t say anything, but there was really no need for explanation. She knew what she had to do.

“No! You’re not leaving this place, Clarke. I forbid it. Much less for that damn woman!”

Clarke looked at her mother, eyes already set, “I’m sorry, mom.” The blonde moved to the door and quickly opened it before Abby could reach her.

“I’m here, okay? Don’t hurt them.”

Clarke raised her hands in the air in surrender.


	14. Betrayal

“Well well well, if it’s none other than Clarke Griffin. We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’ve heard nothing about you though.” Clarke spat to the man wearing a grey suit, red tie. His hair was black as well as his eyes. She had been brought to the now empty coffee shop that was close to the police station where she saw Lexa for the first time.

 

“Cage Wallace, at your service.” The man smiled viciously.

“I’m here, so let the people inside the clinic go to safety.” Clarke demanded.

“I cannot do that, not until I get complete cooperation from Tondc’s authorities.”

“You mean, Lexa. And what makes you think I can help you with that?”

“Emerson!” Cage called. Immediately another man wearing a khaki uniform passed a folder. Then, Cage gave it to Clarke.

Clarke took it with some apprehension from the man. When she opened it several pictures of her and Lexa together at the river fell into the table. Clarke felt bile rose up in her throat, how these fuckers could taint such a beautiful moment of intimacy between the two of them? Clarke felt anger boil inside of her.

“This means nothing!” Clarke threw the pictures back at Cage.

Cage laughed. “It means that you’re close to her. The commander will negotiate with us.”

Clarke couldn’t let this bastard win, and putting Lexa in this position was unforgivable. She had to think of something and fast if she wanted to get out of here.

 

Clarke had been in the small supply room for around 20 minutes, her hands were tied and she had no weapons. She needed first to get rid of the zip ties on her wrists. She climbed a couple of boxes to check if she could open the air vent when she heard a discussion between that Cage fucker and someone else.

“This is insane, Cage!”

“Father, why can’t you see that I had to do this. Don’t you see that we were about to lose to that warrior bitch!” Cage sounded pretty obfuscated by the tone of his voice.

“Not at the cost of killing innocent people, Cage. This is not what our faction has been fighting for all this time.”

“Father, you’re either with me or against me. Choose now.”

“I’m sorry son, not like this.”

She heard some struggling and then—

_BANG!_

“Shit!”

Clarke fell from the box she was using to reach the vent, making a huge noise. She hit her back and she opened the gash just stitched in the clinic. That was going to call the attention of that asshole Emerson too; Clarke was going back to her chair when she saw the small knife that fell from the shelf. She had no idea what on earth happened and if Cage killed his old man but Clarke needed to get the fuck out of here.

 

She tucked the small knife in the waist of her jeans where she could reach it easily.

Emerson opened the door, his clothes were splattered with blood.

“Don’t you try anything funny.”

“My wrists are hurting you asshole, you’re cutting my circulation and I might faint anytime soon. I think it’s more convenient if you keep me alive, don’t you think?”

Clarke lifted her tied hands, showing Emerson her discomfort. She waited until the man came close and when he kneeled to loosen the ties, she banged her head against his nose, immediately she took the knife out and stabbed him in the leg. He groaned in pain and she kicked him in the balls, took his keys from his back pocket and locked the door behind her.

 

Clarke was shaking, stabbing someone felt more personal, worse than using a gun. And she thought of Lexa who fought not with guns but with swords.

She sat behind the deserted counter and rubbed her hands against the blade to cut the ties.

“Come on, come on.”

Clarke prayed that she could cut them fast, Emerson was making a commotion and they were going to come looking for her fast. She moved her hands up and down, creating friction, the blade was not as sharp but it was helping little by little.

“Yes!” Her hands were free at last, her wrists were cut where the zip lines had been and there was some blood on them caused by her struggle. But she was relieved that she could get rid of the ties. She started to move when she heard more gunshots outside.

She heard the war cry outside, how hundreds of voices repeated _Jus Drein Jus Daun._

The Tondc Police task force was finally back.

 

Clarke ran for the door of the coffee shop when she was intercepted by no other than Cage Wallace. He pulled her hair and she stabbed him in the eye.

“AAARRGH! You’re dead!”

Clarke was pulling away from her when the door was kicked down.

“Where is she!!!”

Lexa came in like a wolf ready to jump and kill. She immediately went to Cage and pulled him away from Clarke, she pushed him against the wall and with her knife on his neck, Lexa looked him in the eye.

“They’re dead because of you. I will make sure you die slowly.” Lexa punched him and cut his leg. Cage fell to the floor screaming in pain.

Lexa picked him up again and backed him up against the wall.

Clarke was watching how Lexa unleashed her vengeance and pain into the man. She was going to kill him very very slowly.

“Lexa no!” Clarke pleaded.

Only then Lexa looked at her, eyes cold and empty.

“He needs to pay, Clarke.”

“And he will, but not like this Lexa. You’re a cop, you follow the law and obey it. Don’t let this asshole take your honor.” Clarke took a tentative step closer to the commander. Lexa was filled with mud and blood, her leg had been bandaged but the blood had stained the white already. Lexa needed medical attention as well.

 

Lexa remained pensive, still holding Cage with an iron grip.

“Let the justice system take care of him.” Clarke took another step.

Lexa stared into Clarke’s eyes, it was clear how conflicted the commander was but Clarke’s words resonated with her. She nodded and released Cage.

“Cage Wallace, you’re under arrest for conspiracy and acts of terrorism against the people of Tondc under the laws of Polis.” Lexa said, “ _Indra! Sis em op.”_ [Indra! Take him.]

Indra came and took Cage Wallace away to the hospital, handcuffed. Lexa stood there one more minute making sure Clarke was truly safe.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Lexa gave a sad smile to Clarke, so sad that it broke the blonde’s heart.

“Lexa…” Clarke wanted to reach her and tell her everything was going to be fine, to hold her and let her know that it was okay if she wanted to rely on her. That she didn’t have to do this alone, not anymore.

Lexa never gave her the chance, she walked away.

 

 

Two days had gone by, two days where the bodies of the brave warriors were burned according to the grounder rituals. Gustus and Anya, two people that Lexa loved like family had been lost – now all that remained of them were ashes. Lexa had attended the rite but after that Clarke lost sight of her and she was so worried. Lexa was shutting her out. Lexa was building up her walls again and Clarke knew she was going to lose her once Lexa shut down everyone around her. She couldn’t let her, at least not without a fight.

Clarke went to the police station asking around for the commander but no one had seen her. Indra was the one managing all pending business in the HQ.

 

Clarke went inside the office of the commander, after all Clarke was already well known in the TPD. Also, after the events that occurred she had won the respect of the whole city, she was basically a celebrity now. Where girls looked up to her and men respected her like an equal warrior.

The office was silent, curtains drawn; the usually busy office where unit leaders came to discuss strategies and plans of attack was now deserted.

Over the desk there was only a computer desktop and several files. Clarke sat on the comfy chair of the commander, and started to open drawers. Papers and more papers were stuffed in them, when she opened the bottom one on the right Clarke found a portrait, which was extremely rare since Lexa never kept any kind of personal belongings with her.

 

The picture was of two girls, a younger Lexa, who had a huge smile on her face and another beautiful girl with long dark hair and light brown skin. Her eyes were glinting with happiness and so much love. Lexa held the smaller girl between her arms. Her demeanor was completely different to the now marble carved girl she met. Back then, you could see the softness in Lexa, and particularly the love for that girl, whom Clarke presumed was no other than Costia. And how bothersome it was knowing that Costia had been on the receiving end of that smile and not Clarke.

Clarke found another picture much older; the colors had faded a bit, where Lexa stood side by side with Gustus and Anya. The Commander was just a kid, probably 10 years old. Anya rested her hand over the shoulder of the smaller girl while Gustus towered over them like a thick wall ready to take down the world if someone touched that girl.

Lexa had a tough life, filled with people who cared and loved her. People that Lexa loved back and lost. Lexa said that love was weakness, not because she couldn’t love, but because life had been cruel to her and the woman who turned colder than ice was simply guarding her heart from losing her loved ones again.

 

Clarke could see where that reluctance to open up was coming from - she understood it. Lexa was the kind of girl that when she loved; she loved with everything she had. No wonder she was so happy with Costia.

 _Can you love the woman?_ Anya asked her before she passed away.

Costia had loved the girl in the picture, a girl who was more open and easy to laugh. The woman who Lexa became had changed, she hardened her heart and love was something to keep at bay. That was the woman Anya was asking about. Could she really love that kind of person?

_Clarke, can you love the woman?_

“Yes.” Clarke said out loud.

 

 

Clarke was outside Lexa’s flat. Her motorcycle parked meant she was there. Clarke took the lift to her floor and when the doors opened she found the new bodyguard of the commander. A tall man with broad shoulders, much younger than Gustus, nonetheless strong with a wide chest and his head had some tribal tattoos, kind of like Lexa’s.

“I need to speak with the Commander.”

“She has given strict orders not to be disturbed.”

“She gives orders to you, not me. I’ll speak with her, and you’ll let me through.”

Clarke looked the man straight in the eye, her body language was powerful, confident. Clarke noticed the man’s hesitation; of course he had to know who she was.

“Leave us.” Was all Clarke said before opening the door.

 

And just like the office, the bright apartment was now sinking in darkness. Clarke walked through the narrow corridor until she reached the more open living room. Lexa was not there. Over the kitchen sink there were several empty bottles of liquor. Over the tiles shards of a broken glass.

Clarke moved to the bedroom. The door was ajar and she pushed it slowly. Lexa was standing in the solitude of her room in front of a window, looking out through it. She was wearing only a black punk rock muscle shirt and her underwear below. From where Clarke was she could see the red thin lines across arms and legs. Fresh scar wounds that would require more time to heal.

“I said to leave me alone.”

Clarke walked inside the bedroom. “I can’t do that.”

“Leave, Clarke.” Her voice was raspy, like she spent the whole day screaming until no more voice came out of her voice box.

Clarke kept moving until she was at her side. “No.”

Lexa turned and faced Clarke. Her green eyes were filled with anger and so much pain, nothing like the teenager who was so in love with Costia. She had bags under her eyes, meaning she hasn’t been sleeping, and there was a bruise in her jaw. The fight took a toll on the young cop.

“Leave. Me. Alone.”

Clarke shook her head. If Lexa wanted her out she’ll have to kick her out herself. But before things went south Clarke had to do the only thing she could do at the moment, and that was reach her. Lexa needed the support, to feel the contact of people who cared for her, so she cupped her cheek. And it was so cold to the touch.

“Why are you here?” Lexa asked, her voice so small, like she didn’t deserve to be in the company of anyone. Much less Clarke.

“Because I need you.”

 

Lexa’s eyes softened, the words hitting her like a brick on the head. She was so not used to people caring for her. She was the Commander, the leader of the Grounders. The one who cared for her people and not the other way around.

“You don’t have to do this alone. I’m right here.”

Clarke’s hand felt so soft and warm, nothing like her rough calloused hands bathed in the blood of her enemies.

Lexa stared into the depth of her blue eyes, Clarke had such an effect on her, she wanted to be angry, punish herself for being weak and here was the Sky warrior. The girl who risked her life to save her city, telling Lexa she needed her.

 

The brunette clenched her jaw, her resolve was crumbling and Clarke knew it.

Clarke cupped her face with both hands and kissed her. Softly at first, but when Lexa responded Clarke pressed their bodies together. Their noses bumping into each other, it was kind of messy while the two tried to get the rhythm to follow. Lexa needed the physical contact, to feel loved and Clarke was going to show her that she was meant for her. Whatever she needed Clarke could provide, she was sure of it.

After all, love they say, could make them stronger. There was nothing love can’t do.

The two girls split, the kiss leaving them breathless and so so horny by the intensity of Lexa’s stare if Clarke could use her dilated pupils as a sign. Lexa entangled her fingers in the blonde mass of hair. With her other hand she tugged a wild curl behind Clarke’s ear. Clarke traced with her thumb the bruised jaw, soothing her with the caress, making her feel good instead of the pain she was inflicting on herself.

“Clarke…”

Lexa wasn’t going to lay a finger on Clarke, not if the blonde didn’t want to, if she wasn’t ready. Lexa was always making sure that Clarke felt comfortable. It was ridiculous how sweet and caring this idiot of a broody commander was with Clarke. Always listening to the blonde and making sure to give her space to let her think things through.

And she had trouble doing the same thing for herself.

 

That was all it took. Clarke wasn’t going to back off. She knew what she wanted; it was standing in front of her.

Clarke kissed Lexa, careful to not press hard against her bruises and raw wounds. Her lips moved slowly over Lexa’s. Her taste was of booze and chocolate, Lexa loved her chocolate donuts. Clarke smiled to herself.

Her tongue moved deeper into the mouth of the brunette, enjoying her taste but above everything else the fact that this was the woman she wanted, the damaged broken one.

Clarke bit the luscious lower lip of Lexa, making her groan, Lexa pressed closer, her hands were on Clarke’s waist moving over the bothersome material, trying to reach the hot flesh beneath the shirt.

 

They split again, this time Lexa pulled off Clarke’s shirt. Once it was off, Clarke assisted Lexa to remove her shirt revealing not just a tone body, but a body marred with war. Clarke had seen her share of Lexa’s body, she took a bullet out of her and yet, she couldn’t stop staring, not because it disgusted her. Each scar was evidence of Lexa’s survival and bravery, a story to be told.

However, Lexa had never been conscious of her body, only with Clarke.

“I can turn the lights off if you prefer.”

Lexa had a huge scar from her right hipbone up to her abdomen. Another scar over her left clavicle, several bullet scars and of course the most recent ones that still were tender.

“Don’t be silly.” Clarke kissed Lexa and backed her up until Lexa bumped the edge of her bed. Clarke straddled Lexa and then she unclasped her own bra.

Lexa’s lips parted in awe. She knew Clarke was hot, but this was some hotness level she couldn’t have pictured even if she wanted to.

Clarke helped Lexa get out of her own bra, since the shoulder of the Commander was stitched recently and her mother was going to send Clarke to hell if she knew what her patient was doing with her daughter and ruining her work at the same time.

Clarke moved to Lexa’s neck tentatively, kissing her lazily, then she bit it making Lexa whimper. Clarke moved back to the lips, oh how she loved her lips. Lexa couldn’t let Clarke have all the fun, while Clarke kissed her, she moved her hands over Clarke’s breasts, teasing with her fingers the sensitive nipple. Clarke moaned, “oh fuck.”

 

Taking the cue, Lexa took the breast in her mouth sucking the nipple until it was erect, her tongue tracing the areola in slow circles. Clarke arched her back to give her more access, letting her feast on her.

They exchanged more kisses and Clarke pushed Lexa’s back to the mattress, she crawled on top of the girl dropping more kisses over each of her scars, tracing them with her fingers, moving lower and lower. Clarke hooked her fingers on the waistband of Lexa’s panties and pulled them slowly until they were gone. Clarke moved between the commander’s legs and smiled.

“Commander, I think it is my duty to thank you on behalf of Tondc for your excellent service,” Clarke teased.

Lexa blushed, Clarke laughed and licked one of her fingers. Lexa’s eyes followed the movement. “So thirsty, Commander,” and she went down. Her mouth on her clit while her fingers worked their way inside her cunt. Rhythm slow, building the pleasure of Lexa who was at her mercy.

 

Lexa couldn’t think, couldn’t drown herself in despair, Clarke’s fingers were at the right angle, stroking all the right places inside and Lexa was so close. Lexa anchored her hands on the mattress, digging her nails into the blankets, holding for dear life. Clarke had no idea what the hell Lexa was saying since it was in her native language, but by her moans and thrusts there was no need for a translator, her body was loud and clear. Clarke couldn’t stop now, she increased the rhythm of her fingers until she felt the Commander come undone under her. The spasm taking every ounce of energy the fierce warrior had.

Making the toughest woman in all Tondc come off was the most arousing thing Clarke had experience in her life.

 

But Lexa had plenty of stamina left. She rolled on top of Clarke, unzipped the jeans that Clarke was wearing and took them off, tossing them to the side of the bed and when her hands reached the soaked underwear of Clarke, Lexa groaned, more _Trigedasleng_ came out of her mouth and then she teased her with kisses around her neck and collarbone.

“ _Beja, Heda…”_

Lexa had to back off, completely shocked, “where did you learn that?”

“I’ve been studying a bit.” Clarke grinned.

“You sound so damn sexy.”

When Lexa took care of Clarke, the blonde thank God and Jesus and everyone in between that no one was around to hear her scream. Lexa was a-ma-zing.

No wonder she earned the title of Commander. Because holy shit, that woman knew how to use tongue and fingers and teeth.

____

Clarke had fallen asleep after she climaxed for the fourth time between her arms. Clarke Griffin was all she had dreamed of, way better than all her fantasies together. Lexa had not felt this satisfied in a very long time.

Lexa had spooned Clarke until her own tiredness beat her.

The next morning Lexa opened her eyes, she was up early and to see Clarke first thing in the morning, in her bed, made her heart clench. Lexa knew this couldn’t be. And here she was dreaming of a life with this girl who trusted her completely.

Lexa kissed the tattoo Clarke sported over her scapula and moved to the nape of her neck, kissing her tenderly. She propped on her elbow and simply watched over Clarke.

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa whispered trying to not wake her up.  “You have taught me so much.” Lexa pulled the blanket over Clarke, making sure she was warm and comfortable.

Lexa breathed in and out trying to keep it together. She wasn’t going to cry, no. She had to remember why she was doing this.

To give Clarke the life she truly deserved.


	15. Love they say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the end is here. Enjoy!

Lexa sat on the clinic’s gurney, waiting to get stitched by Dr. Abby. Clarke was probably still asleep in her bed. She left her before she second-guessed her decision. She had made arrangements to go back to Polis right after the ritual. Lexa was filled with so much pain and she couldn’t face where she had lost so many.

Going back to the big city was going to make her forget. But she couldn’t do that if Clarke was in her life.

 

“Yes, I needed to get back to work right away, Dr. Griffin. I thought that a little exercise was going to be okay.” Lexa said as a matter of fact.

Abby arched her brow, “exercise?”

Lexa nodded. She was going to let the good doctor draw her own conclusions. Not that she could do anything to hide the hickeys on her neck and marks on her torso but she wasn’t going to mention that it was her daughter who did the damage.

“Alright. Let’s patch you up.”

Abby made sure to clean the wound before stitching. She added the anesthetic and proceeded to work on the Commander.

“So, how’s Clarke?” Abby kept moving the needle in and out of the skin, doing a thorough job.

“I don’t know.”

“She didn’t sleep at home. Raven called this morning asking for her. That leaves you.” Abby kept stitching like they weren’t talking about something important.

Lexa sighed. “She’s fine. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, Doctor. I care about her.”

Abby looked Lexa in the eye. “Good.”

“And because I care about her I will leave. This life is not for her.” Lexa said sternly. She knew this was the right decision. Not the best, but it was the right thing to do.

“I understand, but Clarke, she’s not going to take the news very well. I know I wasn’t the most welcoming, Commander; but I can see you do care. I won’t intervene in my daughter’s life if that what’s bothering you.”

“It’s not that, Doctor. Clarke deserves better.”

Abby finished stitching up her patient and let the cop go.

 

 

Lexa was giving instructions in her office to her team and Chancellor Kane. Since now she was going to be leading from Polis. it was important to have everything in order in Tondc. “There is political uproar in Polis. I will make sure that the peace is maintained. Now that the threat of the terrorists from Mount Weather has been eliminated, I hear that the North is in movement.” Lexa was sitting in her chair, mind wandering in her business and her heart still dreaming of the hands of that beautiful and brave girl from the sky.

“We will fight the Ice Nation if it’s necessary.” Indra stated.

“The _Skaikru_ will offer support to your people. However, we’ll try to exhaust every diplomatic way first.”

“Very well Chancellor. You will take lead in the negotiations. If things get dangerous don’t hesitate to contact me. I will ensure the safety of your people as long as there is cooperation between our factions.” Lexa stated.

“Of course. Good luck in Polis, Commander. May we meet again.” Marcus offered his hand, Lexa shook it.

The meeting concluded and now Lexa had to go back to her place and take whatever she needed to go back to her post in Polis. Lexa knew she had to face Clarke sooner rather than later. The longer she waited, the harder it would be.  The time was approaching fast.

 

 

Lexa had everything ready on her bike, she just had to leave once and for all. But she had to say goodbye to Clarke. To let her know that she wanted a good life for her. So she told Clarke to meet her at the river, where they could speak privately,  away from prying eyes.

 

Lexa was throwing rocks at the stream, making them bounce over the water, trying to ease the tension she felt. Lexa had never felt like this before, so torn apart, she was always set on her goals. She knew exactly what she had to do, what people expected from her. But now, there was a part of her that she had to fight, to keep it in line. That part of her wanted to belong to Clarke so badly.

“Hey.”

The last rock Lexa threw went wrong, sinking right away. She was startled by the voice that made her shiver with pleasure, the voice that did things to her.

“Clarke.” Lexa turned around to face the girl she had to leave behind.

“You left early this morning, not even a good morning kiss?” Clarke walked casually towards Lexa, “not that I would have complain if you had woken me up, you know?” She leaned in and kissed Lexa’s cheek, then a small peck on the lips.

Lexa took a step back. “I had to see your mother, my stitches opened and you were tired.”

“Oh god, are you okay? I didn’t pay much attention to your wound. I’m so sorry.”

“No no it’s okay, I was the one who should be more careful.”  Lexa’s resolution was going down the drain the more she was around Clarke. Lexa never thought she was going to have to do something as hard as this, not in a million years.

 

Clarke tried to reach her again, but Lexa took another step away. Keeping her distance.

“Alright, what is going on Lexa? It is clear something is bothering you. Your eyes don’t lie.”

Lexa tensed, unsure of what she had to do.

“Talk to me.”

Lexa took a deep breath and said the words. “I’m leaving, for good.”

Clarke frowned, “wait, what?” Clarke shook her head, confusion in her features. “Why?”

“Clarke, I owe myself to my people. I can’t be a good leader if my loyalties are split.” Lexa rested her hand on the hilt of her sword or else she was going to be too tempted to touch the blonde to comfort her.

“That sounds like utter bullshit, Lexa!” Clarke moved in front Lexa, always face to face. “I know who you are. I get it. But leaving? That’s running away.”

“Clarke, just listen. I cannot do right by my people when my priorities are messed up. You shouldn’t have been the first thought I had when I was in Mount Weather, it was supposed to be the citizens of Tondc. But I came as fast as I could because I couldn’t dare to lose you too. You have become my weak spot, I think about you and it hurts. Knowing that you or your family could be killed because of me…” Lexa’s voice wavered just a tiny bit, her solid facade was going to crumble if she kept at it. “I can’t have you.”

 

Clarke turned her hands into fists, she was frustrated and furious. This wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “Lexa, don’t do this. If you care about me stay.” Clarke was completely heartbroken, she couldn’t believe Lexa was doing this.   She got the logic behind her decision, still, it hurt.

Lexa felt that Clarke punched her in the gut with her words. Her eyes watered and she pressed her lips together, trying to keep her semblance. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” The struggle was real.

“So that’s it? You’re going away because you can’t deal with us?”

“Clarke, understand please.”

“I do, Lexa. I know that your duty goes first, I get that your priorities are your people. What I can’t get is why you’re running away from us! Why don’t you just admit it, you’re a coward! You’re so brave in the battlefield but here? You’re afraid of a relationship, to open up again! You’re scared to love!” Clarke was scowling, she was pissed and nothing she said seemed to rattle the Commander.

“Clarke if you just lis—“

“I love you!”

 

The declaration resonated in the forest; the birds stopped chirping for a moment. It was like time stopped for a thousandth of a second.

Lexa was speechless, her heart beating so hard screaming to tell its truth. The silence between them was becoming awkward, so Lexa broke it.

“Clarke. I—“

“Don’t!” Clarke cut in, her jaw was tense, pursed lips. “Don’t you dare to say you care, Lexa. That you’re doing this for me.”

“I do care, Clarke.”

“No, you say that because that’s what makes you sleep at night. You’re doing this for you, but hey, who gives a shit. After all, what was I to you? There was nothing between us, we were just two girls being gal pals.” Clarke chuckled, voice filled with sarcasm, resentment, “whatever. You wanna leave? Leave. I guess whatever we had wasn’t strong enough. Goodbye Lexa.” Clarke was done with this; she turned around on her heel and walked away from the Commander once and for all.

 

Lexa bit her lip, fighting the urge to stop her, to tell her that she learned that love was strength with her, that she changed her completely. Lexa bowed her head, sadness flooding her heart. Knowing that this was the end.

 _“Ai hod yu in sentaim, Klark.”_ [I love you too, Clarke.]

.

.

.

The days became so dull without her, the nights were cold and lonely in her absence. Almost six months ago she departed from Tondc and came back to Polis. Lexa, Commander of Polis Police Department had returned to the capitol to make sure things were under control. After the fall of the Mountain Men some upheavals had been going on with other clans these past months, the Ice Nation in particular. Lexa worked hard with her unit leaders to make sure that peace was restored and she had been busier than ever. However, things were getting very tense. Tondc reported several altercations and they were getting more violent. According to the latest report from Indra a new meeting was going to be held in neutral territory with the _Trigedakru_ , _Skykru_ and _Azgedakru_ tomorrow. Indra expected Lexa to be there in representation of her clan, which meant going back to Tondc and probably seeing Clarke again.

 

Since she left, Lexa avoided asking about Clarke or her whereabouts. And yet, she dreamt of her every single day. Lexa cursed the life she was born with; the duty to protect and serve had become more of a punishment. There was not a day that Lexa wished she could go back in time and tell Clarke she loved her. Clarke had been right, she had been running from what she knew was true feelings for the blonde. She escaped because she feared losing Clarke, it was easier to push her away before she had fallen deeper for her.

The problem was that Lexa didn’t realize it was already too late when she left Clarke. She had fallen in love with Clarke Griffin, she loved her and her heart was already hers. Lexa was Clarke’s, and she was going to have to live forever with the consequences of her actions.

 

The sun was going to be up on the horizon in a couple of minutes, the skyscrapers of the incredible city of Polis could be seen through her window. Lexa was rolling on the bed, dreaming again of the ghost that haunted her every single day, the ghost of regret.

 _“You’re an idiot. Why would you do that?”_ Costia rolled the dice.

 _“I was scared.”_ Lexa admitted.

Costia landed in one of Lexa’s properties and paid the rent.

 _“It is okay to have fear, that is what makes us human. I taught you to face your demons Lexa. And that damn Sky girl was one hell of a demon.”_ Anya rolled the dice and moved her piece. _“I agree with Costia, you’re an idiot.”_

_“Okay you two, that’s enough!”_

Costia giggled and Anya smiled.

 _“Go talk to her when you go back to Tondc, dummy.”_ Costia suggested, she placed her hand over Lexa’s and squeezed it.

“ _Would you be mad?”_ Lexa tilted her head, she was really curious.

_“Why would I? You love her, and she makes you happy.”_

Anya took a community chest card, ‘relieve your own stress and collect 20$’ was her card.

Lexa rolled the dice and surprise surprise she landed in jail. _“But I don’t want to disrespect you.”_ Lexa slumped in her chair, Clarke had promised to visit her when she landed in Monopoly jail.

_“I’m gone, Lexa. You moved on and that is okay. That doesn’t mean our love wasn’t real. I loved you and you loved me, but now you love someone else.”_

_“Stop making excuses and go to Tondc, Heda.”_ Gustus commented from his chair while he watched the three girls play.

 _“Now get the hell out of here, you suck at Monopoly._ ” Anya smiled.

 

Lexa awoke, she sat on her bed and rubbed her eyes trying to get a sense of what the hell she was dreaming this time. She didn’t remember much of it, except that she was playing Monopoly and she was losing, again. Lexa had learned to play the game after Clarke explained it. The PPD played the board game during lunch breaks thanks to Lexa’s obsession.

Lexa showered quickly and put on her leather pants. She dressed with a black shirt and a long leather jacket, her boots were muddy from her latest mission to the swamps to the south of Polis, but who cared about dirty boots. Her hair was braided as usual, looking decent for a day’s work.

 

She rode her bike to the closest donut shop and got her fave breakfast: chocolate donut and coffee. But she missed Clarke’s presence in the coffee shop so much that the donuts lost their appeal.

When Lexa reached the office she found a tower of paperwork left at her desk, her bodyguard was waiting for her near the door. He offered her a folder, which she opened once she reached her desk. She sat and read the latest intel.

“Is this right?” Lexa frowned, she was starting to get worried things were going to get very violent and sooner than she thought.

The man nodded, “the scouts will confirm with visuals soon but we’re talking about a small army of _Azgedakru_.”

“This is bad. I better meet them personally at that damn negotiation table. I’ve got to depart right now if I want to make it to tomorrow’s meeting. Tell Quint to keep an eye on things.”

Lexa took the folder with her, she went back to her loft and packed a small bag, she wasn’t planning on staying long in Tondc.

 

There was snow everywhere, it was a harsh winter in Tondc but the mountains looked beautiful and the landscape seemed magical covered in white. And of course, winter gave the advantage to the Ice Nation who was more used to these conditions. It was better to avoid a war, particularly now.

Lexa was tired from her ride, but it was urgent to speak with Indra.

She stopped at her old flat; it had been such a long time. When she opened the door, everything was clean just as she left it - her book selection in the bookshelf, her weapons in the closet, her kitchen items in order in the cupboard. The window curtains were drawn so she opened them and took a glance at the night view of Tondc, before heading to the restroom where she opted for a quick shower. She opened her drawer in her bedroom and found a good set of clothes to wear to stop by TPD.

 

On her way to the HQ she rode the street where ‘The Cave’ was, the club that Clarke and friends frequented and she had the temptation to stop. But if she did and found Clarke she had no idea how she was going to react. Better do what she came to do.

When Lexa entered the station, the cops welcomed her - They saluted her and bowed in respect to her. She nodded and kept moving until she reached the main office.

“ _Indra._ ”

 _“Mounin, Heda._ I thought you weren’t going to come.”

“The Ice Nation has a small army in the outskirts of Tondc. I don’t trust this so-called peace talk they are proposing. I rather tackle this matter personally.”

“Should I prepare our task force then?”

Lexa nodded. “Better have them ready, but that should be our last resort.”

“Very well.” Indra nodded.

“I’ll meet you tomorrow.”

Lexa went out of the HQ back into the coldness of Tondc, she was tired and needed to rest. She had been working nonstop since she returned to Polis, but Tondc offered a calm that she missed. Instead of riding back home she decided to stop by the river where she loved to go to swim and have time for herself.

 

Lexa walked into the deep of the forest until she heard the water, the puffs of condensed air came out as tiny clouds out of her nose. Lexa adjusted her coat and took a peek at the starry night, which was beautiful; her boots crushed the snow under her weight, her steps sure of her path even when it was dark.

She wanted time alone, to release her mind of so much stress and worry. However, when she reached the stream she didn’t expect to find anyone there, but there was someone sitting on a log, sketching.

“Clarke?”

When the girl turned around to face the intruder, Lexa felt her stomach do a small flip. It was Clarke Griffin, and she was so gorgeous. Clarke stood up from the log, put a white beanie on over her head, picked up her art supplies and closed her sketchbook.

“Commander.” Clarke’s voice came out as angry. Her expression was indifferent; she looked at Lexa and started to walk away.

“Wait!” Lexa blurted out. Lexa scolded herself mentally, she sounded a bit desperate. Actually, she was.

“What do you want?” Clarke stopped in her tracks. At least she didn’t leave.

“It’s been a while.”

Clarke laughed, the bitterness hurt Lexa but her expression didn’t show it. “A while? It’s been 5 months and 22 days, Lexa. But who’s counting?”

“How are you?” Lexa took a hesitant step towards Clarke.

“That’s none of your business but, I was great until you arrived.” Clarke spat.

Okay, Lexa deserved that. But damn, Clarke could hold a grudge like a motherfucker and her attitude towards Lexa was really harsh.

“Alright. I’ll leave.” Lexa swallowed hard. Fighting to keep a neutral expression, and still, there was a flicker of pain on Lexa’s eyes, because Clarke was hitting all the right nerves.

“Yeah, you do that. That’s what you do best.”

Lexa sighed; she had to have known this was going to be like this. Clarke had every right to be angry at her. She sucked it up and took off.

 

Back at her apartment, Lexa couldn’t sleep at all thinking about Clarke. She was sleepy as hell but there were important matters that required her attention, and yet, there was no way she was going to be able to sleep, instead she decided to go out. She rolled on her bed and took out the ring she had bought for Costia so long ago from one of her drawers.

“Time to let go of the past.”

Lexa headed to her fave coffee shop in all the world, the place where she met Clarke. She sat at one of the tables in the corner of the shop that was full at this time of night and ate her chocolate donut with sprinkles with excitement. She really liked these. After she was done she took out the ring from her left pocket and left it on the table. Lexa strolled to the exit when she bumped none other than Clarke.

“Sorry.”

Clarke didn’t say anything but her friend did.

“Hey, if it’s Heart Eyes, Clarke. Why didn’t you tell me she was back?” Raven elbowed playfully her friend.

“She’s here for business, Raven.” Clarke moved on to the counter ignoring Lexa completely.

“Good to see you, Commander.” Raven smiled and waved goodbye.

Lexa could only hope that morning brought sunshine to her life and not this awful pain she was feeling since she saw Clarke again.

 

The next morning came. Lexa was waiting with Indra for the Chancellor of the Sky people at the gates of Camp Jaha. This meeting was going to serve as an offer an alternative to war.

Clarke came out of Camp Jaha walking with Monty, her arm tucked under his arm, she was laughing and her affection was so genuine for her friend, she seemed so happy. It hurt Lexa that she couldn’t have that, not anymore.

“Alright, here I am.” Clarke said goodbye to her friend Monty and walked towards the TPD duo.

“Wait, where is Chancellor Kane?” Lexa turned to Indra.

“He’s not here, Commander, he’s on his honeymoon with my mother. I’m the appointed Chancellor.”

Indra nodded, backing up Clarke’s statement.

“Okay, Chancellor Griffin. Let’s meet the _Azgeda_.”

 

The meeting was held at neutral ground, the General of the Ice Nation had took his seat in front of Lexa and Clarke was at the center of the table acting as intermediary. Indra was standing behind Lexa ready to take action if needed. They have already been talking for hours without reaching an agreement.

“I think, General, that your people need to stand back. What is the point of deploying your army if you're seeking peace?”

“Consider it a precaution, Commander.” The man with the heavy accented English spoke.

“ _Em ste spichen, Heda.”_ [He’s lying, Commander.] Indra didn’t peel her eyes from the bearded man.

 _“Osir na dig em au, Indra.”_ [We’ll find out, Indra.] Lexa replied, and added, “I don’t trust your intentions, General. This has been going on for a while now and if you don’t back off I will attack the Ice Nation. Don’t forget who killed your _Kwin_ , General.”

“We do know, Commander, but if I remember correctly it cost you dearly as well.”

The tension at the table was rising. Indra held the hilt of her sword, ready to strike. Clarke noticed the change in Lexa, it was so subtle but Clarke could read Lexa. This was definitely a provocation, but Lexa was smart, she wouldn’t fall for it, and yet she saw the glimpse of pain in the Commander’s eyes.

 _“Heda,”_ Clarke cut in, “ _teik ai chich op, beja._ ” [let me speak, please.]

Lexa’s eyes went wide for a second, she quickly got her composure back, but the fact that Clarke spoke in Trigedasleng resulted in a huge turn on for the surprised commander and she was amused by this.

“ _Teik ai frag em op en dison laik odon.”_ [Let me kill him and get this over with.]

 _“Shof op, Indra. Oso beda sen Klark in.”_ [Shut up, Indra. We should listen Clarke.] Lexa nodded and let Clarke speak.

 

Clarke’s intervention had been smart, she had nothing to gain from this negotiation as the representative of the Sky people, but she was eloquent and offered a balance deal for both parties involved.

Lexa respected Clarke on so many levels, she was such a natural leader with great capabilities and compassion. She reasoned with great arguments the points of the Ice Nation General.

In the end both parties agreed to respect their boundaries and intervene only if the other party broke the terms and conditions established in the table.

Lexa signed the treaty as well as the General.

Once the Ice Nation people left, Lexa walked out of the tent following Clarke.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“I was doing my job, Commander.” Clarke said dryly.

“I know. Still, you reached a better deal than what I could have achieved. You are really good at this Clarke.”

Lexa turned around to leave Clarke to her own affairs, but she couldn’t walk away just yet. “Can we talk?” Lexa asked, not looking directly at Clarke. The fear of rejection was in the air.

“Why?”

“You know.”

“Tell me.”

Lexa took a deep breath, “I will, but not here. Meet me at my place. I won’t take much of your time, I promise.”

“Fine.” Clarke nodded in agreement and went back home. Lexa knew this was her last chance to do things right.

 

 

Lexa had turn on her fireplace, the lights were dimmed and she had arranged and cleaned the living room, though there was no need. She was eating chocolate donuts to calm her anxiety. She felt 16 again.

The doorbell rang and Lexa went to open the door. “One second!” Lexa put the donut box on the table and headed for the door. “Hey Clarke, thanks for coming.” Lexa stepped aside to give Clarke space to enter. Clarke removed her coat and Lexa hung it behind the door.

Clarke took a quick look at the place, remembering the first time she came here. She was giving Lexa dance lessons and for a brief moment Clarke smiled.

Lexa sat at the couch and invited Clarke to take a seat. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No thanks, just say whatever you want to say.” Clarke made herself comfortable on the couch waiting for the brunette to speak.

“You were right.” Those were her first words, better to be honest with Clarke right away. “I thought I was doing the best for you.” Lexa confessed. “I wanted to keep you safe, and I only saw that option.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, unsure whether to trust those words.

“I’m not proud for hurting you, Clarke. I betrayed your love and lost you.” Lexa gulped down the lump in her throat. “I just hope that one day you can forgive me.”

“I wanted to hate you.” Clarke replied, eyes staring out the windows, focusing on the stars glowing in the dark. “I still want to. I mean, you’re a complete asshole, Lexa.”

Lexa gave her a small tight lip smile, but that was enough to break the ice. “That’s fair.”

“I wanted to punch you right away at the river, but you probably would’ve kicked my ass if I did,” Clarke joked. She felt more at ease, for some reason being with Lexa made her feel comfortable enough.

“I missed you every single day since I left.” Lexa stood up from her chair and walked to where Clarke was sitting. “You made me see things in another light. You said that love could heal my wounds. Some of them did.”

“Costia?” Clarke dared to ask.

Lexa nodded. “And Anya and Gustus. It still hurts, but not as much, not since I met you. You’re still making my heart bleed, Clarke.” Lexa moved hesitantly and took the spot right beside Clarke.

“You left this over the coffee shop table.” Clarke took out the ring from her back pocket.

”I don’t want it anymore. It brings me memories of her, but I have to move on. Keep it if you want.”

“That better not be a marriage proposal, cos it’s pretty crappy Lexa.” Clarke laughed and the sound of her laughter was like hearing angels sing.

“It is not. I would do something suitable for you. If that was the case, Clarke.” Lexa smiled.

“Yeah, you’re a romantic idiot. But the ring means a lot to you, you should keep it. Those feelings are part of what has shaped you into the woman you’re today.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and put the ring in her palm.

Lexa closed her hand into a fist keeping the ring safe. “Thank you Clarke.”

 

“Do you regret anything? About us I mean.” Clarke wondered, looking intently at Lexa.

“No. Meeting you was the best and the worst thing that could happen to me. You taught me so much Clarke, I learned that is okay to hear my heart, that is okay to feel things. _I hod yu in, Klark.”_

Clarke cheeks flushed, she clearly understood her words. The words that she wanted to hear for a long time. But Clarke was hesitant, one heartbreak was good enough. She turned to face Lexa, blue eyes staring deeply into green ones. “Love, they say there’s only one.”

“And what do _you_ say?” Lexa’s voice came out as a whisper.

“I think it’s true.”

Lexa closed the gap between them and kissed Clarke so sweetly, softly and caring. Afraid to wake up from this dream.

 

Clarke kissed her back tasting the chocolate on her lips from the donut box Lexa clearly emptied before she arrived, Clarke never forgot Lexa, after these months she wanted her back desperately. She knew Lexa was busy, that Lexa was never going to return because she was a hardass, but if war arose that was enough reason to make her come. So Clarke spoke with Indra to be the intermediary of the negotiations and see her, and prove that she could get over her. Clearly she couldn’t forget her lips and those green eyes that looked at her like her most dear possession. And then the memories of her betrayal came back, Clarke pulled away. “Wait!”

Lexa took the cue and pulled back.

“Not yet. I need time, I’m still mad at you.”

“Okay.” Lexa nodded. At least that was something and not a total rejection. She could be patient and try her best to win Clarke’s trust again.

“I have to go back to Polis.” Lexa told, her eyes evading Clarke’s.

“I know.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers, “but, will you come back?”

Lexa stared into Clarke, “ _Ai noun a teik you banst nowe, Klark.”_ [I will never let you go, Clarke.]

Clarke smiled, her _Trigedasleng_ classes definitely paid off, and for the first time Lexa saw hope, forgiveness, love and a future.

Love, they say it heals all wounds. That it makes people crazy; that there was nothing love couldn’t do.

Lexa knew that it was all true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for taking the time to read this fic. This was my first trial writing Clexa for this fandom and I really hope you liked it. Writing is my passion which means you can already expect a new work this upcoming week. And if I want something to be known for is my consistency while updating, so know that you will never be left hanging with any of my stories until completed.  
> I really hope this met your expectations and if you really really liked this fic please share it with your friends. The more people reading the more motivation one can get. Again, thank you so much for stopping by and please feel free to leave any comment/feedback. As always my askbox is open to discuss any topic you want or crazy headcanons.  
> Stay tuned for my next new fic update this week, so make sure to be following me :)
> 
> Thanks,  
> Tana
> 
> Find me at commanderlexaofthegrounders.tumblr.com


End file.
